Humiliation: stimulating to me

I'm a 34 year old bisexual female and presently in a relationship with another woman. However without her knowledge, once a week for more than two years, I allow myself to be embarrassed and taken advantage of by three men. When it happens, there are usually two of them there but occassionally all three at the same time. Three years ago I met Ryan, had s** with him a few times then allowed him to satisfy his fetish by giving me what amounted to a gyno exam. As embarrassing as it was with the way he positioned me and had me humiliatingly exposed it became arousing to me at the same time. He had me lay on a massage table and examine every bit of my body, then use his fingers and speculums to penitrate my v***** and a***. I never before realized how being so embarrassed could also cause me to become completely turned on. After he was satisfied examining me he always masturbated me and gave me oral s**. We rarely had intercouse once this started. After about six months or so one night when I went to his apartment his friend Patrick was there. Ryan introduced me saying I was the girl he does the exams on every week. I couldn't beleive it at first but he suggested Patrick would like to get involved. We sat talking for over an hour and the more I thought about it the more intriging it seemed. I don't know why but the thought of his friend seeing me naked and exposed seemed arousing. When I began taking off my clothes I was more than embarrassed. Buy the time I was on the massage table naked having Ryan touch my body I was both mortified and aroused at the same time. It was like a rush and both Ryan and Patrick not only fondled my b****** but both also penitrated me with fingers and the speculums and I didn't know which one was which doing it to me. I had o****** so often I can't begin to understand how I could get so turned on. Afterall, they were not just humiliating me but also grinning and taking advantage of me. They arranged my body in positions like no one else has ever seen me. The more embarrassing it became the more aroused I got and the more they penitrated my vigina and a*** the more o****** I had. I didn't notice at first but even Patrick gave me oral s** that night and I did give both of them oral s**. A few months went by and instead of Patrick showing up the one time it was another guy named Kenneth. Now every week I don't know if Kenneth or Patrick or both of them will be there. I am humiliated and aroused no matter what, yet I am so satisfied by it I continue to go to Ryan's every week. They are all dressed as this goes on and the only time they even drop thier pants is when I give them oral s**. When I leave and am alone I think of all the humiliation I have subjected myself to. Not just allowing them to probe and see me naked but the fact they watch me giving them oral s** and jerking them off. Aside from that they plainly see me o***** often and I doubt they can even understand why I allow them to do all this to me. I have a loving relationship with my girlfriend and we have been living together now for almost a year. We have s** often but once a week I tell her I am visiting family members and instead go to Ryan. I never have intercouse with any of the guys except once in a while I do with Ryan. I like all three of them and even know Patrick is married and has two kids. I do let all three do this to me but as long as it has been going on now I am still embarrassed everytime. Sometimes I try to act like it isn't humiliating for me but I know I still blush and still don't know why this excites me so much.

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