I am 23 years old and I am pretty sure I have AVPD. I can't bring myself to do anything about it though because that is part if what the condition is. I do have a few friends I can talk to, but I don't want to inconvenience them with my problems. I spend so much time building up a fake front for people to see I dont have anytime left to deal with my real issues. Talking to a professional sounds like a good idea, but I don't trust people easily, so I wouldn't be able to open up to someone new, especially since I can't talk with my closest friends and family.
The only time I feel some what comfortable around new people is with my brother because u feel that they have to like me because they are his friends and don't want to upset him. My relationships usually start online do I can get a sense of who a person is before meeting them. I want to know I will be liked before meeting someone to avoid disappointment.
I lie awake most nights thinking of stupid things I've done in the past and how people judge me for them, even if there is a good chance they don't remember the event.
I feel ashamed to feel the way I do, but can't bring myself to get help. I have no one to blame but myself and it sucks.