What is wrong with me?
I have been seeing someone for almost 4 years now. He says we are just friends and that now he wants to see someone else. I have spent thousands on this man, gave him my heart, moved for him, and rearranged my whole life for him just to be thrown away. The worst part is I keep going back. I let him f*** me whenever he wants, however he wants. He has went from kinky to a whole new level with what he wants me to do and won't even tell me I'm worth keeping as a friend. When I try to end things he is always like "whatever, I don't care". I don't know what happnened to me that I have no backbone. I don't know if I'm too afraid of change, or being alone, or that no one will ever love me. He had nothing before me. No job, no car, no friends and now that I got him on his feet I'm not good enough. I was just his practice woman. Never good enough to take home to the saint of a mother he lives with, always embarrassed by my emotions. I am an educated and independent person and I don't know where this comes from but I'm lost. I don't want to keep living my life like this. I'm miserable. I've tried dating sites but I'm afraid ill never meet anyone or if I do go through with a date ill ruin it to keep myself open for when he decides to grace me with his presence.