What is wrong with me?

I have been seeing someone for almost 4 years now. He says we are just friends and that now he wants to see someone else. I have spent thousands on this man, gave him my heart, moved for him, and rearranged my whole life for him just to be thrown away. The worst part is I keep going back. I let him f*** me whenever he wants, however he wants. He has went from kinky to a whole new level with what he wants me to do and won't even tell me I'm worth keeping as a friend. When I try to end things he is always like "whatever, I don't care". I don't know what happnened to me that I have no backbone. I don't know if I'm too afraid of change, or being alone, or that no one will ever love me. He had nothing before me. No job, no car, no friends and now that I got him on his feet I'm not good enough. I was just his practice woman. Never good enough to take home to the saint of a mother he lives with, always embarrassed by my emotions. I am an educated and independent person and I don't know where this comes from but I'm lost. I don't want to keep living my life like this. I'm miserable. I've tried dating sites but I'm afraid ill never meet anyone or if I do go through with a date ill ruin it to keep myself open for when he decides to grace me with his presence.

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  • You aided and abetted a weasel. He despises you. Love yourself more and get more self-confidence and throw the bum out.

    Do it right now. The are real men.

    I wholly agree with the first comment.

  • Leave this guy at once. Don't waste another day of your precious life on this loser. Just chalk it up to experience and hightail it out of there. And yes, it could be a number of reasons why you chose to stay with him...hope, love, l***, self esteem, afraid to be alone, all of the above that you mentioned. Maybe he was a project, you felt sorry for him..whatever. It's done, move on. He is going to be your past. Get your heart caught up to your head and move forward in your life. Take some time for yourself and to figure out what you need and want. Take classes, keep busy, meet up with some friends. Or if you haven't met friends because you invested all your time in this guy, go and make some quality friendships. It may not be the right time for dating. You don't need rebound guy. Take care of you, you need to figure some stuff out and grow. Maybe go see a therapist. You know you'll be fine, but you need to make some big changes now.

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