RaO oMy relationship with my girlfriend has been going on for about four years now. About a year and a half in I found out she had kept in contact with an ex, who she'd told me she had cut off. I went on a weekend trip to see my family, and when I came home found AIM message logs, to her ex, and another man.
The other man was a guy named marc, who'd she had a friendship with. After skimming through some rather raunchy texts, I found out they had met up in person while I was away. I know of a few things they did from the logs, but despite the previous sexting, there was no talk afterwards, about any physical contact.
The conversations between her and her ex were more, emotional, than anything. But it ended with him requesting her to talk on webcam, and her agreeing. When I discovered all of this I re-read all of it.. so I made sure I had my facts straight for what I was about to do.. I then called her and asked if there was anything she wanted to tell me. She confidently answered no, and asked what was wrong. She was at work at the time so I asked her to wait until I got there to take her break. She agreed, then nervously asked if I was ok again.
I told her I'd talk to her soon and hung up.. when I got there I waited outside, and tested her to meet me out front. When she did I confronted her with everything, and she hesitated, but admitted to everything. Despite my apparent pride, and confidence I have never had much self worth.
When I started this relationship, I confided to my girl that I thought she'd be much better off without me. Since not only was I unemployed when we met, I was uneducated, lived in a ghetto neighborhood, and was emotionaly secluded. I barely have any family. And those that I do, I can barely call them family.
However being the smart confident girl she was, she put my fears to rest..
We both gave up a LOT to be together. We moved far away from our homes, and previous lives, to try to start a new one together.. So when I found all of this out.. I felt like someone punched a hole clean through me..
That night, I remember lying on the floor in our room. In a separate bed I'd made myself. I remember planning throughy trip back to Philadelphia.
I remember trying my hardest to stop crying. But I'd had my heart and trust broken. I never trusted anyone.. I knew better.. but against my usual ways tried to trust her.. and was now paying the consequences. Or so I'd thought..
She came over to me and pleaded.. she swore loyalty to me.. she apologized.. told me everything that happened while I was gone. She told me nothing physical happened between her and marc despite what there logs would have me believe.. she told me that when he'd tried to kiss her she pulled away.. she told me they didn't do anything physical at all. She also told me that during her web chat, with her ex, nothing sexual was done and they simply talked.
I forgave her.. I went against my gut again and forgave her. I told her that in order for us to work I needed complete honesty.. and that if she wanted to part ways, or be with someone else, that she should just tell me and save me the heartache.. well.. two more years went by. Some happy parts.. somesad.. things financially have improved. But her new job has her away a lot. Thus has put considerable stress on our relationship.
I found out just tonight, from her.. that supposedly a few months ago marc had contacted her through text. She has told me, that her first response was not to text her. That she'd "get into trouble." He says he understands but wants to tell her that he discovered the reason for his chronic stomach pain, and that is was a fatal condition. She told me all of this tonight, and says she thinks he may be dead.
She lied to me again.. after everything we've been through the lies continue. Recently I have been reading forums and stories of husbands who've had wives stray. I don't know why, I just did. Now I feel like its the universe trying to tell me something.. or something like that.. this was before I'd learned about her lies.
Now I'm lost.. since she lied about not talking to him ever again, and kept it hidden that they did talk.. I have no idea what's truth and what's fake. No idea what she could be capable of lying to me about.. and I'm awake.. despite work in the morning.. while she sleeps.. the last thing she said before falling asleep was, " you can be mad at me if you want to.."
I'm not mad.. I'm crushed. I feel like I was right to believe she was better off without me. I was right not to want to trust.. my faith in people has been reduced.. which is something I previously thought was impossible..
I hope things will get better.. but I know better than that..