I don't know anyone
I can literally say, I don't have any friends.
I don't know any one anymore. I've hidden for so long for the dumbest reasons that now I am completely alone. I guess that's what I wanted but now I find myself wondering what people are doing.. I don't want to meet a bunch of new people though. I'd really rather just meet one other person with similar interests who also doesn't know anything about social interacting(?).. Truth be told, I'm sort of sheltered and I have been my entire life. But I really want to go out and try things for once. I just don't really know how.
Maybe I need to meet a strong person who can sort of hold my hand as we see things. I guess i'm nervous? Ugh.. I wasn't always so nervous but I've just been staying indoors, reading, studying, or going out only short whiles for necessities. I mean I'll go to the park but i'm still by myself so i'm comfortable out there. Point is, I haven't met, talked, hung out, with anyone for about 5 years now and i'd like to try new things for once. In a good way though.
I've tried being friendly with people but I just really don't like seeing them for that long. It's like people all have this bad vibe around them that I just HAVE to get away from.
When will I meet someone I can put up with and who can put up with me? Maybe i'm too complicated and pushy or unclear. Maybe my thoughts are too out there now. I feel like no one is on the same wavelength and it's so stressful. I just want to find one person on my level. Someone who will understand what I am talking about/experiencing for once. Someone who knows what I know.
I feel like I am waiting for one conscious person while laying in a sea of dead people and it's just not happening.
Why is it so easy for others to meet people and get along while it is so complicated for me? I'm fallowing all of the rules, I don't offend, and my appearance actually attracts. Maybe that's all it is.. I'll always just be the pretty faced lonely girl who everyone just wants to f*** and leave. :I Am I the crazy girl? The crazy girl with a hot body, so that makes me a tap it and leave it. Honestly.. Maybe I AM the one going crazy.