I need help badly..
Okay so im 17 and well its been a few years now that ive been masturbating like frequently .. And i cant stop i think i want to get f***** like i keep thinking of how it would be with an actual guy.. Last year this guy i had a thing with ( we never did anything sexual! We didnt even kiss!, hes an X we were young like 12-15(it lasted a long time our thing)) messaged me and asked me if i wanted to smash him and i said yes! Because i actually really wanted to but i never got to it ( see i told him that i had already lost my virginity and f***** 2 guys WICH IS A BIG LIEE!! I NEVER EVEN KISSED A GUY .. And like i think he really wants to ( mostly cuz i turned him on badly ;) ) and i do but How can i? I lied to him and if i do actually go see him he'll know i lied since i dont even know how to kiss a guy ? .. I know i should of never lied but i did .. I do want to f*** someone espacially him .. Ppl please dont judge me i know what i did was stupid and i regret it now ,,but i need advice!! help please ?