Losing my best friend (Help me)

I really need some help so please read this. This is going to sound so stupid and weak of me but I really need to get this out. It's been eating me alive since it happened. I lost my dog, who is the only person I can talk to and confide in a while ago and I've been getting more and more numb. I miss her so much. It was because she apparently killed some sheep but I know for a fact it wasn't her. When she came back she didn't have any blood on her. And that same night two other dogs escaped with a reputation for killing sheep. Anyway there was this massive argument and to cut a long story short she had to be rehomed and now she's over 2hrs away. I haven't seen her since and I keep having different nightmares about her. The last nightmare was that I got her back and we were so happy. But then everything changed when we were together and she was hit by a car. It was so graphic and it keeps coming back into my mind so clear and defined that it's like it's real life. I've been cutting up my arms but thankfully no one noticed apart from one of my friends but I told her it was my cat which she bought. I now keep my jumper on the whole time even though it's nearing summer. I cry myself to sleep and go off on my own at school to think about things. What makes it worse is that I have no one to talk to, my mum and I have an awful relationship and I want to make my dad proud. If I told my sister she'd tell my parents. I don't want that. I don't know what I've done but now my friends look at me as though I'm from another planet, leave me behind and disagree with things I say whereas before they'd let me have an opinion. I thought I was doing a pretty good act of being happy but maybe they've noticed and don't want to be my friend anymore? Recently I got drunk and really liked it. Now I've this urge to drink more. I'm worried I'll turn into everything I hate. To let my stress out I play guitar but only mine and her's song which always gets me to tear up and I end up cutting myself again. I'm in this constant loop and i feel awful! I can't even remember what she feels like. I'm such a bad person and I'm so weak... I really need some advice. Please help me...

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  • Hey, I wrote this post and thank you so much for replying. When I first started reading your comment I thought you were an adult. I honestly thought everyone would ignore me on here! I haven't had a drink since. I've managed to resist the urge and I've now told my sister almost everything. She promised not to tell. Though I miss my old friends so much I've recently met a new girl who I'm beginning to really like. If not trust her yet. I'm still panicking about making my dad proud and the nightmares come less though they still haunt me. I'm so excited, I get to go see her soon! Though I'm so worried she'll forget me... I remember the exact day I got her... 30th August 2011. I might be posting a youtube vid up about her soon. If I do (and remember to) I'll post the link here? I still have problems with my mum and step family but I'm trying really hard to be happy. I'm usually a really happy person and I'm worried my sad state was driving my friends away... I feel so stupid. If I hadn't been so selfish then maybe they'd still like me. I'm 14 btw. Thanks for posting a reply. It means a lot <3 x

  • Try getting a lawyer on your side and fight for your dog back! This is so sad and made me cry. PLZ DO NOT drink again cuz it's so sad to watch things go down like that. You deserve a great life an you've been given one, so don't let urself fall in a crapshoot. Try keeping a journal and everyday write 3 totally different things ur thankful for and this will help you feel better about life especially cuz Ur in a real hard time right now. I wish you the best luck and will keep u in my prayers.

    P.s. I'm 12 years old but everyone says I have an OLD soul and I'm very wise and mature for my age, ever since I was 4. Plz truly take this advice into consideration and know your loved even if you cantvsee that in this moment. <3

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