Confused in love
I've been in love with my friend for years. He's a transgender male. that hasn't stopped me from loving him like he thought it would. He's not interested in me or females in general. We dated for a short period of time. At first he said he'd wanted to be with me from the beginning, and I was stupid enough to believe him. During the relationship it was nothing but love then one day he said it wasn't real, he loves me but he couldn't be in love with me; he hated seeing me sad so he thought us dating would make me happy. He then felt guilty about and broke up with me for this guy he was probably talking to during our relationship. He loves to send mixed signals and I have no idea how to react to them. He will say or do something bold like send me explicit pictures of him and I would test play along to test his reaction and he'd back away or change the subject. Recently he has gained a slight interest in girls again which tore me apart because when he was with me, he confessed he was only attracted to males but when he saw this other girl he reconsidered. He called me his soulmate in a friendly tone, but at times I don't think he really cares about me I'm just his little toy he tells everything to and he just throws back in the box when he's bored with it. People tell me to let him go, but he can't let me go and I can't seem to tear myself away from him for more than a dpfew days. Yes it's stupid I know. He's an online friend by the way (no catfish we've skyped many times) I'm going to see him soon and I just want one kiss from him maybe even more. I'm hopelessly in love with a man who can't even begin to comprehend my love for him. He'll never love me or anyone like they love him. I really don't why I still try it's been a few years and I'm still here. Maybe it's because in my crazy mind I think there could be a chance or maybe it's because I never was loved as a child and I'm trying to fill that emptiness in me. Either way this man has been the center of my world and I don't think I'm letting go anytime soon.