Confused in love

I've been in love with my friend for years. He's a transgender male. that hasn't stopped me from loving him like he thought it would. He's not interested in me or females in general. We dated for a short period of time. At first he said he'd wanted to be with me from the beginning, and I was stupid enough to believe him. During the relationship it was nothing but love then one day he said it wasn't real, he loves me but he couldn't be in love with me; he hated seeing me sad so he thought us dating would make me happy. He then felt guilty about and broke up with me for this guy he was probably talking to during our relationship. He loves to send mixed signals and I have no idea how to react to them. He will say or do something bold like send me explicit pictures of him and I would test play along to test his reaction and he'd back away or change the subject. Recently he has gained a slight interest in girls again which tore me apart because when he was with me, he confessed he was only attracted to males but when he saw this other girl he reconsidered. He called me his soulmate in a friendly tone, but at times I don't think he really cares about me I'm just his little toy he tells everything to and he just throws back in the box when he's bored with it. People tell me to let him go, but he can't let me go and I can't seem to tear myself away from him for more than a dpfew days. Yes it's stupid I know. He's an online friend by the way (no catfish we've skyped many times) I'm going to see him soon and I just want one kiss from him maybe even more. I'm hopelessly in love with a man who can't even begin to comprehend my love for him. He'll never love me or anyone like they love him. I really don't why I still try it's been a few years and I'm still here. Maybe it's because in my crazy mind I think there could be a chance or maybe it's because I never was loved as a child and I'm trying to fill that emptiness in me. Either way this man has been the center of my world and I don't think I'm letting go anytime soon.

Jun 8, 2014

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  • You answered a lot of your own questions. Regardless of the actual status of your relationship/friendship; what's true is the amount of time and feelings you have invested. Those are real. And of course, it's easy for someone else to say move on. I think it's important to look at how he treats you. He plays endless games with you and gives you false hopes. Even for a platonic friendship, those actions are bull s***. He is immature and doesn't respect you. But truthfully, this sort of is catfish. Because you may see him, but he's not being completely 100% truthful with you. He will continue to use you in that way, because so far you haven't stood up for yourself. If you want him in your life, that's fine..but just make the boundaries clear. He should treat you better. Maybe you need to look at what kind of person you want in your life and start there. Find someone in your town who you can have a relationship with that you can see and be with on a daily basis. Love yourself enough to know that you are worthy of it and deserve more. (Funny..the code says 4GRL)

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