I think I'm a better person than my husband

I think I'm just an all-around better person than the man I married. I'm smarter, more thoughtful, more considerate, better organized, better at chores and being attentive to things, kinder, more likely to give people the benefit of the doubt, more efficient at getting stuff done, less prone to losing my temper, I have a better work ethic, I complain less, I'm more successful at my job (in terms of money, motivation, skill, and recognition), more family-oriented (meeting the needs of both his family and mine), less lazy, less self-centered, and usually more charitable (financially and with my time).

I'm horribly embarrassed that I feel this way. Often when I hear him complain about something, I'll just think "why can't you be better?" I hate what this thought pattern says about me (wow, what a great person I am, what a high opinion of myself I have, and also what kind of "good" person competes with their spouse like this?). I also worry that this is something I'm going to resent him for. It's not that he's a bad person ... just that I think I'm better in all of the ways described above.

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  • And you didn't know these things before you got married? He probably does some of these things, because he knows you'll just do them. Or if he does do them, you'll do them over because he did it wrong or not to your liking. At some point, you just have to accept him for who he is and loosen up on your I am better attitude and see if he will step up on his own. This shouldn't be a competition. This is a partnership. And sometimes we do compromise and just take on things or roles to get stuff done. If you want him to do things, express this to him. Let him know what you need. Otherwise, this is your life. And in some ways, it sounds like you've more or less become his mommy.

  • Yeah... I can tell you right now this isn't gonna work out. If you want it to, you better nip it in the bud with therapy immediately. Tell him that you feel like you would benefit from counseling, either as a couple or alone. If you don't want to stop thinking this way, you better let him go and try to find someone who you feel is your equal. Less heartache for both of you. And it will hopefully keep you from possibly becoming an abuser, which is not something anyone wants.

  • You aren't going to resent him. You already do.

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