WHY THOUGH?!?!?!?!?!

I'm a senior in highschool graduate this year with 4 scholarships 4.3 highschool gpa straight a student athletic outgoing shy attractive self centered timid. I'm a good looking guy and I always get girls hitting on me from all ages but mostly older woman. It's disgusting that stereotypes still exsists because I'm good looking people expect me to be a player a hoe loud funny cocky confident. Wdf!!! I'm the totally opposite I'm known as the popular shy guy it's weird because everybody knows me and says hi girls hot on me from naughty groups sides which not my kind of woman. I've met woman I'd say I'm pretty mature for my age I'm 18 people say I'm mature for my age I'm not a typical teenager who works parties f**** etc. I can't get a job anywhere I've applied everywhere I'm timid but very smart all ap classes since freshman year I'm addicted to working out and eating healthy. I have anxiety problems when I'm in public I can never smile at a woman or approach. My life has no meaning it sucks. I never had a childhood as a kid I matured quickly because of pain. People always pick on me in saying why I'm soo shy I'm too to to be shy etc. come out your shell etc. my parents are never home they think I'm all happy that I graduate I study constantly because I'm an over achiever. My dad is a plastic surgeon and my mother is a cosmetologist. I get money from them have nice clothes shoes cars etc. but it's not all that happy. I can't get a job. I don't like school but I'm extremely smart. I don't want to be a plastic surgeon like my dad wants me to be. In my free time I write poems and draw sometimes I go through depression so bad that I walk out the house at night in tears of pain. I drive far away from home and say I'll be out with friends. When in reality I'm hurt. My parents think I'll graduate go to one of the too colleges to study what they want I'll be rich and that's life. I've always dreamed of meeting the perfect woman. Or learning to surf. Explore the world. Have different jobs. Build a family. Cry from laughter with the one you love instead of cry from pain alone. I go through depression daily in class girls will sit by me and touch my muscles or flirt touch my hair snapchat me dirty things etc and it's annoying. Being judged by good looks. Sometimes I wish I was ugly. I'm no cocky confident guy I'm shy and tired of people trying to change me and make me who they see me as. I've tried billions of times to get a job out of knowledge majority of the time the boss is a female and hits on me I eventually quit right on. What is there left really? A naked interview. Money over money but no happiness. It's true what they say money can't buy happiness!!it never will my dad can give me money daily and but me a corvette for graduation he can afford to buy me designer brands have me dressing nice but I get no love. No attention. No respect. Depression is killing me inside I cry as I type this I'm hurt. I've never had a gf my entire 18 years. Never cried of joy. Never smiled or laughed uncontrollably. I'm not excited about scholarships I don't want to sit in a desk for 4years learning about opening a human to make them look better. all my family has a sort of degree and both sides are wealthy work daily and hours holidays my family never gets together my birthday is forgotten from my parents at night I cry when I shower I cry I cry so hard that it's hard for me to breathe and wake up the next day and say to myself "everything will be okay" my parents don't know I'm hurt and have never realized . I've thought many times about taking my life away but something holds automatically think I'm perfect in life just because I drive a Lamborghini money isint everything I'm wanting to die from this pain I want hapiness where is it in bookz? In money, in clothes, shoes, it's no where around me that's for sure.. My social life is at zero never really had friends. Or any GFS as friends or girlfriends to kiss and love. Many people ask god for money I have wealth health power but I ask for simplicity in life like love,respect,& happiness and I can't have it really though why do I live anyway........ My life pretty much sucks it always has since I was a kid even though I never got to be a kid growing up pain made me mature quick I'm more mature now and convinced my life has zero meaning without simplicity I go to church every Sunday and have prayed on my knees crying so hard I can't breathe right. I once though I was in love but the person I love is a woman I know I will never have. School really DOESENT grab my attention. College I wish I could give scholarships away to others I don't want mind that's not what I want in life. Really though why do much pain but no hapiness I ask myself daily in my isolated world. I revolve around gym school gym school depression anxiety depression and pain what is life though why though really??? Think about what you really want in life..

Sep 12, 2014

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  • You sound like the male version of myself. Same family problem. Same personality. Although I wasn't popular since I was so quiet, girls hated me and guys just wanted one thing. It does suck. But you make the choice to be miserable or to do something about it. Take advantage of a few things in your life. You don't have to be a surgeon and you don't have to follow the system. There's so much more to life than that so follow your dreams, it's YOUR life, not theirs. Living your life for others isnt living at all.

    I found my life purpose and life dream: to live peacefully with my soul mate in nature while helping others along the way. Now I'm working towards that dream and I couldn't be happier, and I just turned 18 a week ago. preparing myself for a hike across the world. You could do the same. It's easy to dwell in depression, but it takes a lot to decide to move on and take action. You can do it. Follow your heart and believe in yourself. If you ever need someone to vent to: 571-326-2356 sending light your way, hope everything goes well for you, takd care! Nankurunasai.


  • All i read was you think your a buff cat because you work out. When you are actually a fat out of shape dork that likes to complain. Then i stop reading.

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