Not sure I want to keep my boyfriend
He is the second guy I have dated. the only other guy to have s** with me besides my first and only.
My first got my virginity at age 17 and then we had s** for almost two years while we dated. I loved the feeling and loved him. I enjoyed the s** part very much, I could have kept that part and let the emotional part go.
But he wanted to get married, wanted me pregnant and out of school. I wanted to finish college and get my degree. I want more than a stay at home mom job right now.
The guy I am dating now got his first time with me at Christmas. I had expected that he was a big to large for me. There are large differences between he and my ex. I do not know much about measuring things. but I can not get my fingers around the end of it. The shaft is almost as long as my foot.
I had given him hand satisfaction and few times some oral. that was hard to do as well. I choked a lot and hit my teeth and hurt him a few times. I do not do the oral well, my ex just ask for that a few times; he wanted s** and wanted it in me when that happened.
Well at Christmas I gave in and let him have me. When it went in I could feel a burning inside some. Kind of s stinging when he did it and after. It burned when i would pee like it did when I was a virgin.
he wanted some on New year night and I did him a hand job in its place. told him I had started my period.
Now I am not sure what to do actually. I might stop stinging in time, yet I can not take that kind of pain for a while getting my self ready for him. He likes to be a lot rougher than my ex, and that hurts up inside me. I do not want to tell him and have him think I am some little girl, yet I can not take this kind of pain, when I do like s** so much. I am ashamed to admit this, but I m********* almost every night thinking of my ex.
What should i do? My ex is NOT an option. I will not ask him for s**, that might give him some kind of hope for love.