No Friends

As a woman in her mid-forties, I have no female friends, where I live. I can name one friend from my hometown, but that friendship is starting to wane. I am so embarrassed that I don't have any friends. I could make friends with men, gay and straight, but for some reason I can't find female friends with some of the same interests as me.

I am open minded, but very shy. I don't open up until I get to know a person. I have trust issues. I always seemed to have this problem since I was young.

I'm divorced with one adult child that doesn't talk to me. I have one sister, who I don't get along with even though I have tried. She just doesn't like me. The only friends I can say I really have are my elderly mother and boyfriend.

I live in an area with so much fun stuff to do, but I don't do anything because of not having friends. Don't get me wrong, I've tried, but I just get used and they move on once I get assertive and start saying "no."

I am lonely. I will die alone.

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  • Go out some more, or get into hobbies that you can do with groups. It's true, as we get older, we don't need as many friends, but, sometimes, it's nice to have new people around. I know many women with only a few female friends, and most prefer it that way.

    Make up with your adult child and do things with him/her. My older sister is retired, and, keeps busy with tons of things, including vacations and mini-vacations with her daughter. Also plays cards with a few women friends, and sometimes visits me just to chat and have some rare us time.

    Don't be afraid to branch out..Think my sister ever played card before she retired?

  • I have to agree that sometimes it gets to be a little harder to make friends as we get older. But it is possible. And anything is worth it if you put forth the effort. Just from your post. Try a more positive approach. Don't immediately assume that any friendship you start will end. This maybe an experiment to test your shyness. The worse that will happen is that someone says they're busy. Muster up the courage and go for it. Maybe even begin to mend the relationships you have with your child and sibling. Those are huge relationships in your life. They may never be perfect, but maybe you can work towards meeting half way. Sometimes we have to swallow are pride or redefine the expectation of what you would like. Whatever is your part, take accountability and see if you can turn it in to a positive. What's in the past, is the past. Your best friend in another town..CALL HER. Texting, emailing..yea it's all great but they get lost. And tell her..Hey, I miss you, lets set up a time to talk and catch up. Join a group or start your own. Post an ad on in strictly platonic section and look for friends who want to see the sites or walking. Take an art or exercise class through your community center or community college. Something that looks fun. Start talking to someone in the class..ask if they've done this or that before. When you find a connection, make the effort. Don't toss the ball in the other person's court. They have their life and friends and are busy.If the friendship is important to you, tell them it would be great to meet up for coffee or dinner whatever. Just plan on you putting forth more of the effort initially. Be persistent, not stalking. You know.. but make yourself available and be flexible. Get your boyfriend to go out with you.. and if that's not working, then move on.

  • Maybe try getting on with your sister and your child. I suspect that means saying thankyou to them. Smiling when you talk and stop telling them what to do right and wrong good and bad. Let others lead the conversation. Acknowledge them and acknowledge what they say. Don't make absolute pronouncements.

  • There are opportunities out there, in multiple places, regardless of the size town/city you live in. Churches, volunteer organizations, civic groups, single parent meetings, book clubs. You aren't going to develop any friends if you don't meet any people. Yes, your shyness will be a limiting factor . . . IF YOU ALLOW IT to be a limiting factor. Basically, though, if you want a friend, you're going to have a BE a friend. Mingle. Mix. Meet. Enjoy.

  • Ju still to clarify, I am not married. (Original Poster)

  • Where I live now, I absolutely have "NO" friends-female and male. My only friend is my boyfriend and that relationship is on rocky grounds.
    Back in my hometown, that one friend I consider my "best friend," I text her to see how she and her family is doing. She never texts me. That's one of the reasons why I see this friendship waning. Another reason is when I visit, we don't hang out as much as we used to in the past.
    My shyness and maybe even social anxiety is holding me back from doing so much in a place where so many dream of living.
    (Original poster)

  • My ex wife was the same way. All of her friends were male and she acted accordingly even after our marriage. Big mistake on my part.

    Get some female friends if you want to stay married.

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