I HATE my 12yo stepdaughter!!!!

I hate her. I truly hate her! I have 3 bio daughters around her age and a toddler son, and sd is a horrible b**** to them. Sd bullies my youngest daughter, acts like my oldest is invisible, then follows and mocks my middle daughter. As for her little brother, its always: I don't have have a brother...oh, I forgot about that thing...I'm my dad's only child, etc... Nothing we do is good enough for sd, she complains over stuff she picks out. Anything we do gets ridiculed and insulted. Sd is beyond rude and disrespectful to everyone in the house.

Dh and I ask her to pick up her toys, she shrieks and tantrums and says we are treating her like a slave. Sd will scratch her butt at the table then eat with her hands. She then kicks the doors and walls when sent to time out for doing that. Sd will say she needs to pee really bad and whine about it, then pee on herself and cry when dh or I scold her and tell her to clean up her mess. She has her period and sticks her used pads to the bathroom walls or counters cause its too gross for her to put them in the trash. And there's sooo much more than just that!

If dh or I ask her how was her week or anything she refuses to answer, she just rolls her eyes and makes ugly faces at us. She brags and lies about how special she is and how she gets all the best most expensive stuff. Sd has told lies that have landed us in court. One she told her mom was that dh and I said we were going to take her away from her mom and going to beat her and never let her see her family again. We would never say it, but it dragged out nearly a year in court. When we asked sd why she said that we just got, I dunno I was just bored!

Sd is also destructive, she has intentionally broken several of my kids toys. We even make sure sd has her own toys to play with. She was caught trying to steal my oldest daughter's iPod and my tablet. She begs for outfits and when we buy them refuses to wear them, then destroys them by coloring on them and cutting them up.

She really treats us like crap, but its not just us either. She has physically attacked several classmates, walked out of class, and gone so far as to punch the principal in the stomach. Sd was suspended for a week that time.

Dh has tried with her, so have I, nothing works! We would even get a sitter so we could just take sd out for a special day. We would try letting her plan the activities for everyone. We would sit, talk, encourage her to be her best, and tell sd we love her. All that got us was crapped on, lied to, and lied about.

And all this is just the tip of it. I'm very lucky dh is very firm with her. Right now she is not allowed back here for at least a month after what she's been doing. I'm tired of hurting and crying over a 12yo nightmare! I hate my sd, I honestly do!

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  • She seems immature for her age.
    Are you sure she doesn't have,
    some sort of special needs? And where is her biological mother?

  • First you And your husband need to be 100% in agreement on what you expect from her and how you are going to get it. Rules, rewards, punishments, privileges and so on.

    Then you both have to be consistent.

    My wife and I with our rebellious daughter at 16 put everything of hers in a storage unit. She had her mattress on the floor of her room to sleep on with sheets and blankets. She had to do her homework in the dining room. Each week day she had to wear only her school uniform and then change into her pjs to sleep. On weekends we chose her clothes for her. We set up a reward and punishment system for her. If she was obedient then she got rewarded. For example she got to request certain clothes and continued good behavior she got her wardrobe back. Have a tantrum and she would loose privileges. We also put her on a very bland diet. Likewise we always made sure she was not on her own. Always supervised.

  • You need to get her to a psychiatrist asap. These are not small problems these are severe behavior problems that require a psychologist as well as medication and regular therapy. I raised a step daughter with similar issues and two adopted children one which acted out in the same ways. My son, the adopted boy, is now an amazing young man who has a part time sales job and goes to college full time, but it has taken years of hard work. My step daughter is bipolar and has a diagnosed boderline personality disorder.

    She is at an age that if you stop buying, bribing, and require she earn and contribute, be accountable to a therapist she can change. You must be strong and set boundaries that you stick by and for this you will need professional help. If not say goodbye to your marriage and family.

  • I agree with this poster. There is normal rebellion and attention seeking acting out and then there's rebellion and acting out that are cries for help. It could be a mental illness and her behavior isn't something that is entirely her fault. Some of the annoying things you say she does really seems like she doesn't feel included in the family, that she's forever an outsider. In her eyes, maybe bad attention or any attention is good attention. Sometimes girls who are seeking approval via attention will begin to seek attention in the form of boys and s**. Aside from a therapist, all of the parents need to get together and figure out a plan of action before this child really gets out of hand. Put whatever feelings you have for the mother or this child and work together. When you married this man, that child was a package deal. Got to work together...

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