I spanked my 2 year old..
YouTube was not loading fast enough for him. I have told him many times over to be patient, to just wait as our internet is slow. That it will eventually load.
He started throwing tantrums and kicked me. When I have countless told him before not to do it. I threatened to spank him and he ignored the warning.
So I spanked his feet with the back of my slippers! It was not brutal. And yet I know that he felt the hurt. Physically, emotionally. Or embarrassment. Or panic. Or betrayal. He did not stop thrashing and resorted to hit me back. I spanked his hands. And he kept fighting me. I slapped him lightly on his cheek. And my heart broke over again when he touched to feel the sting. But still he won't stop.
I had to get away from him or I might hurt him irreparably. I slumped in a corner and just waited for him to cry it out. As I crued too. And yet he would not. He had asked then for a breastfeeding while crying hysterically.
I felt so terrible and a rollercoaster of emotions swarmed into me. Guilt and remorse and pride and anger and fear and hopelessness and love. So I continued to cry as he did. And I pulled up myself and wish the trauma will eventually go away. Both for him and for me..