I can't stand my husband's new hobby

I am sick and tired of the lifestyle I am forced to endure due to my husband's new hobby. He has taken up triathlons and marathons. It started innocently enough with just trying to get into shape. Then he became obsessed with his weight, constantly weighing himself to see if he'd gained or lost anything. He started cycling every weekend, longer and longer distances. He did a century (100 mile bike ride) in 2008. He was planning on a two day mega bike ride that year, but didn't make it because 2 weeks after the century he got hit by a truck. He nearly died, and I thought maybe he'd give it up. It just got worse. Once he got back on his feet, he not only went back to cycling, he took up running, and then, because why not, swimming. I'm an exercise widow. I never see him. When he's home, he's logging his miles and checking his pace on the spreadsheet he keeps. He has taken over the storage space in our bedroom with 3 different types of workout clothes that all need their own drawer. He buys brand new expensive running shoes once a year - or more often. He has a $2000 bike and wants one that is more expensive. I do twice as much laundry for him as for the rest of the household, and I have two girls! I run the kids to their after school activities. I keep track of appointments. He can't remember anything except when his next race is. I don't feel like I know him anymore. We used to like all the same stuff. Now he doesn't do much with me anymore. We stopped going to church together, except for a few rare instances. He's always working out when the service is going on. People have started to comment. We rarely go camping, or out to the renaissance faire, and going out to dinner has become much more rare as well. He doesn't play the drums anymore, and he hasn't touched his ham radio in over a year. He has developed a distaste for some of the shows I like to watch on TV, and his time for it is so limited that we've had to cut back. I feel obligated to attend all the big races, kids in tow, waiting at the finish line praying he doesn't hurt himself, or worse. I hate it all, but I can't tell him, because then I'd be the unsupportive wife. Yeah, he looks good, but I point out to him that I loved him before he got all those muscles. (to be honest, I loved him more) He hardly has time to interact with the kids, just a few minutes at breakfast and dinner (if I can manage to have us all eat together). I obsess over how much protein he gets when he's out on long runs or long bike routes. I worry about his blood sugar (he's a type 1 diabetic). I feel like the only reason he keeps me around is to be a nanny to the kids and for when he's feeling h****. People have advised me to go run with him. Lord knows, I'm very out of shape. But I absolutely HATE exercise. And his obsession with it makes me hate it more! I don't want to get so into it that I forget who my kids are, what they love to do (music, art) and what their schedules are. I'm sick of all his friends being triathlon junkies just like him. My friends are sick of him. They see how it kills me, and they hear him talking about nothing but his races all the time. He just doesn't understand why everyone else isn't just as into this as he is. He is disappointed that his daughter gave up running with him once a week, but he doesn't get that she did it because she doesn't want to get to be like him! He's constantly pushing himself harder and harder. I got him a trainer, who tried to convince him to do some slower paced workouts, but he can't do it! The hardest thing for him is to SLOW DOWN. That's the other reason why I don't do it. He would leave me in the dust, just like he did his daughter. I've thought about leaving him, but where would I go, and what would I do? I haven't worked in 9 years and he has a good job so I don't have to. I'm too old and overweight and I'm a mother. Forget dating. Frankly, I don't want to. What I want is the man I married. He was a geeky romantic slightly overweight nerd. He thinks he's doing this so he'll live longer, and we'll have him around longer. I can't figure out how to tell him he's already gone, and now I have this jock I'm living with that I don't know what to do with. I hated jocks in school, and now I'm stuck with one.


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  • Let him exercise and while he is out get a guy in to sleep with so you feel wanted again. Then you'll realise the grass can be greener. Maybe you'll get lucky and he'll run away.

  • Encourage him to exercise! This is very positive for him. Also, make a hobby out of critiquing his technique. Find a part of him he is insecure about and let on like everyone knows but is too polite to mention. In a few years he will die of a heart attack and you can chill. Maybe then you will have the spare time to look up another man and ruin his life.

  • Not all exercise is healthy. Your husband has replaced one vice with another. It's an ocd for him. He's hooked on the adrenaline. You need to talk with him and tell him everything you have said here. You can support him and he can continue to train but not at the expense of your family. He may need the help of a therapist, this isn't just a physical addiction it's mental as well. Or a disease similar to anorexia but reversed to the extreme. He needs help.

  • I realy like running but i only run 3 times a week and i think that is much.

    Indeed this soudns like an obsession. Why not tell him what you think?

  • :( I pray for you that his obsession is cured so he can be there for you and the girls!

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