My confession

Sometimes I feel as if I will never really belong anywhere. Like I'm not good enough to do anything or be anything. Maybe I was a mistake. Maybe I didn't "come out" right in whatever process makes us who we are. I don't want to die, and I am in no way suicidal, because I fear death above all else. I don't know how to make it better. I feel lost. I feel stuck. I feel alone. I feel wrong.

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  • A lot of folks have had enough confusion from a "confused world" to last for a life time! Lack of "personal identity" can bore oneself sick even to having suicide thoughts . Have I once considered suicide in my life? Yes and indeed, many folks you see that walk the streets are full of challenges and pains that were inflicted or innate. In my own case, in my teens , I thought I will not be able to achieve anything because I was abused as a child , lived in a home that always felt like an explosive device was about to ignite. I struggled with these feelings and tried to fill the void via alcohol and "street smokes". I found fake boldness that was transient. I envied and wanted to be like others. I began to steal. Well, I am an adult now, well educated, employed, married, had kids, drug/alcohol/smoke free, and really free from all my demons. How? Yes, I know that this will be the question in your heart. It sounded foolish and dreamlike but it was real. Someone gave me a copy of "New Testament and Psalms and proverbs"; a little blue covered book which could fit into my pocket. It was published by Gideon international. I began to read it from "The Gospel of John" like he advised me. I love reading and it made sense. Well, I may not be able to tell you all that happened to me but I discovered that as I read it daily, I began to be attracted to and talk to the main character in the story; Jesus and it seemed like and old self of mine was dropping off daily. At some point , I was shocked when I was out with my friends and realized that I hadn't touched alcohol in the past 2 weeks! And the stranger thing was that alcohol lost its appeal to me. In fact, it disgusted me. My friends told me that they will "give me just three months" and I will drink myself to stupor like before. well it has been years and I keep getting better; more pleasant than the person I ever tried to be. Jesus is beautiful.

  • This is the same as me. Exactly the same. I don't feel like I was meant to be

  • You sound perfectly human. We all have those feelings at times. I spent my entire youth feeling like I didn't belong anywhere. When I got older I made my own place in the world. You are not a mistake. We're all here for a reason. You might not know what it is but you are an important person and have much to contribute to the world.

  • You are good enough!

    You are NOT a mistake!

    You will find your place and people in time, it may take years but you will!

    You will be ok - everyone goes through this at teen and young 20's age

    Best wishes

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