Love/Hate

My husband (23) slept with another married soldier (18) while he was deployed. I was pregnant with our first child together (I have 4 year old, she was 2 at the time). In June of 2014 (3 mths after the birth of our son & 2 weeks after my 22 bday) He told me he wanted a divorce, that it was my fault for gaining weight, my ptsd(from years of rape. From the age of 5-12), bipolar 1 disorder, anxiety and depression. I hung myself and while I was in the hospital he was f****** that 18 year old b****. After 4 mths and a stint in a military hospital, he's still deployed, she's dumped him and I start statted the divorce process and was sleering with a girl(I told him). I lost the 60lbs of baby and he says he wanted me back. I forgave him because our 2 kids loved their father more than life and I still loved him. Fast forward 1 1/2 later, I'm trying to forgive and move forward but now he treats me like I'm the one who cheated. LIke I'm the would who broke the other's heart. Like I'm the only ones with issue. I laid in bed with him for years dealing with being punched and choked because of ptsd fueled nightmares and waking up to put on make up to hide the bruises before he woke up for pt. You partied while I stayed home and cooked and cleaned. He had the nerve to climb on top of me and f**** me while I was heavily drugged on sleep meds, and tried to convince me I was having a wet dream, yesterday. I love and hate him so much. If he cheats again I will shot myself.

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