Shame on me or what?

I have always had some issues with my low self esteem and confidence due being bullied at school. I'm the kind of a person who tries to please everyone else and do what I'm told.
I'm 19 now and still pretty socially awkward...

Anyways, I work as a cabin cleaner on a cruise ship and I receive a fair share of sexual suggestions (usually from older drunk/hungover men) and when denying their "offers" I get called by names sometimes, assuming I'm a prostitute or a mailorder bride thanks for my asian genetics >.> It's kinda easy to shrug off (but I think about the words a lot when being alone though)

Well, that haven't been an issue before but last few month's I've found that I kinda get aroused a bit from the verbal abuse. Like what the h***, shouldn't I be mad instead? And not even from the guys around my age but the old ones whom I've been taught to respect, and now I get turned on for getting scolded by them...
I'm a mess >.<

Feb 25, 2016

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