I need advice

I need help, confessing to my wife, that I was interfered with roughly by two unknown men, and held with a weapon against my will, until my place of work was robbed.
I work as a security guard, and was considered by many as a jack the lad, confident & energetic, who quickly encountered boredom.
Now, I feel, drained, with no motivation.
Except, and this is the worse part, I cannot stop re-living that night, yet, sparingly, it's exciting me....now all I can think about is male on male s**, I've gone to extreme lengths, such as watching, and masturbating over gay p***, joining and chatting to other guys over the Internet, tracing local 'meeting' areas, and wondering around them, looking for 'it', I've always considered myself straight, but I'm so confused, please help!

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