First Breakup

I'm freaking out. I don't know what to do. I have no one to talk to about it because no one close to me even knew about it, we had to keep it a secret because of the age difference. (19 and 30) but I don't know what to do. He was the only person I had in my life that knew everything about me and accepted it. The first person I was ever intimate with, emotionally and physically. I feel abandoned and used. I would have never exposed myself like that if I'd thought it would end this way. I really saw myself with him for the long run.

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  • It sounds like he wanted to keep it a secret for the wrong reasons. That's a tremendous age gap; I am in my late 30's and am a totally different woman that I was when I was 19. Sounds like he used you, and that's terrible of him. It would be called statutory rape if you happened to be a few years younger! Move on with your life, and don't look back. Your better off that way than being an older mans play toy..

  • No he is a gentleman. I've been "used" before by men, so I know the signs. Also, we never had s**, we were just physically intimate, at most oral. (I'm not much of a touchy person, so that was a big step for me to be comfortable with him.) He was very loving, and a good man. Not s**-crazed like most guys. Keeping it a secret was something we both agreed on until I was financially stable enough to get my own place near him since we didn't want any drama from my family. I was actually the one who said for us to do so. Please don't make him out to be someone he is not. He was under a lot of pressure and stress. He was extremely busy, so he didn't give me as much attention as I wanted, which made me moody and it caused drama, adding more stress for him... I wasn't emotionally mature enough. I mainly felt used because of all the support I provided to him during these difficult times. Pretty much gave him all my energy, but because I wasn't able to "keep it together" he broke up with me. Otherwise, he is a good person.

  • You might be able to reunite with him. Contact him and see. People break up all the time but many times reunite. If you get back with him, seek couples counseling and let everyone know of your relationship. Now, if it's over, it would also be helpful of your told a few loved ones and friends. They can help ease you over the break up. Be well now.

  • I think you are right. He is a good man. The timing was just bad since we both aren't in a balanced place of life. I believe we will come together again when we are both in a good, stable place. Thanks for your advice. Glad to see this site has real people who are caring.

  • Regardless of your age, or the age difference, breakups are tough. Time is the answer. Call your friend or your mom..or even consider a therapist. In the future, don't shut people out. Friends are important. Finding balance in your life is key for your next relationship. For now, concentrate on you and finding out who you are without a man. That is really important especially at your age. Look into college courses if you're not already enrolled. You will survive this break up, it will just take time.

  • "Finding balance in your life is key" This stuck out to me the most though your post overall is great advice. Thank you so much for your advice!

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