I want my best friend's husband

I tell myself I don't want him for myself. I don't let on to him that I want him for my own. She has no idea we're having a physical affair. I always act so aloof like I don't need or want anything from anyone ever. He's not truly happy, but he'll stay. She's so lovely in some ways, and so terrible in other ways. I couldn't imagine being married to her, but again sometimes she has the kindest heart. I want him for my very own. I want to take him, and make both of our lives better. I have never truly admitted that, even to myself. BUT, I may be a terrible person for cheating with him, but I won't take him. I won't even try.

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  • If he left, the two of you will not be happy as well. You have the mind to be happy but it won't happen because when you settle and your body is not as into him as it is now, you will be left with a problem. How to get rid of him. We dream of love, but the way things are between you and him is the best you can do now. Trying to further things will be your undoing.

  • Just f*** him till you have enough of him and the follow your heart.

  • Absolutely!!!!!!!!!

  • I read something interesting...it was a quote or inspirational thing but it said (paraphrasing here): Do you really want it or do you just like the idea of having it...makes you think in cases such as this.

  • So one sided here. Anyone talking against the wife doesn't even hear her side or know if anything this woman is saying is true so please sit the f*** down.

  • I agree, and I posted this. I am being truthful about her, but I can't possibly express everything she is or isn't (good or bad). I know there's lots of ways I could make his life better and easier, but that doesn't negate her as a person/wife.

  • You're a horrible friend and he's a horrid husband. I don't think he'd want you for real. You're just some trash on the side. Even if she found out you'd probably lose them both. I hope you do.

  • I agree with your very first line, but you don't know me. You don't know the whole story and I can't share it. You're a stranger on the internet, and your calling me trash really means absolutely nothing. I hope she never finds out only because she wouldn't leave him, but she would forever hurt. I will probably lose both one way or another...and I would deserve that. I would move on. That's what normal people do.

  • I took the husband of a friend of mine. Yes, it ended two marriages, but I love my man, and he loves me, and that's all that matters. (And by the way, the s** is still spectacular.)

  • Rare! you are lucky

  • This has left me more confused, but I am sticking to my guns that he has to resolve things on his own (or not) without any intervention on my part. I need to do the right thing and stop helping him cheat.

  • I agree with the others: stay in the affair. You don't have to take him if you don't want to, but don't give him up. NOT TO HER!!! You may not feel like you deserve to have him exclusively (although I think you're wrong about that), but you CLEARLY deserve to have him in your life and you should do whatever it takes to keep him there. I've been in your place, and I can tell you that there's nothing better than a secret, risky LTR with a man who is married to someone you know. Every time he came and got between my legs I had such joy. Physical, sexual, romantic joy, yes all of that. But even more than that was the joy of knowing that he preferred me to her, even if only for that moment; but then it got reconfirmed EVERY TIME HE CAME BACK TO ME and got back between my legs. He always wanted to be with me more than with her and their children. THAT is pure joy. Please don't surrender that pleasure, and certainly don't give it up because of HER. You deserve AT LEAST that. If you quit trying, she wins. PLEASE DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN!!!

  • I really expected more recriminations for wanting him...and less people suggesting I should have him.

  • If you want him to leave, tell him that. At least show enough love for him to permit him the option. Perhaps you're afraid to admit that, even to yourself, because you aren't sure you want him. But if you want him, give him a voice in the decision. And then take him from her . . . . . . . . you already know he wants you more than her.

  • On the flip side, what if I put myself out there and he won't leave her or doesn't actually want me more? I am not doing it regardless, but there's lots of angles to look at.

  • Yes, that's always the risk, isn't it? That you tell someone the truth of how you feel and then discover . . . they don't feel the same. It's damaging and destructive, and heartbreaking. But at least you'll have been totally honest, and you'll have acted without concern for personal emotional protection. That would certainly hurt. Of course, the alternative is to wait for him to put HIMSELF out there, but that wait could be a very long one. And if it doesn't happen, or if it takes him years to tell you he's not leaving the b****, then you'll really be in a mess. There's no path to the certainty of not being hurt, but it's almost always better to take the chance sooner than later. My guess is that you already know . . . he wants you more than her, and is more than willing to leave her for you. That, too, is scary . . . but for a different reason. Express your feelings. Let the chips fall.

  • You're doing this man right. By that, I mean you're doing what is right BY him.

    His so-called 'wife' is actually dishonoring him. What you are doing is healing and restoring him. That is what his 'wife' is supposed to be doing.

    That you actually want to make [both of] your lives better shows that YOU are the better woman. And since you actually want him, you are

    All women are not the same. A woman is supposed to make a man's d*** hard; not his life. YOU are the better woman. Also, I have no doubt that you p**** him better than her. Probably far better and more often. What I don't see is why this makes you a 'terrible person' because it happens to be pleasurable for you, as well as for him.

    The way I see it, Honey, YOU are the woman with the kind heart.

    God bless you.

  • I'd love to agree with you, but he is married. He took vows, and he should respect them but so should I. If I am to be honest I truly do feel he would be happier with me, but that's beside the point since he is not single and free to be with me. But thank you.

  • You don't have to move in one direction or the other: just continue the affair and keep loving your man. S** is for fun. Enjoy it.

  • Very true. But I think I know I have to end it. Cheating pretty much always gets caught, and that would be a very bad situation for them.

  • Reading through the posts and responses, let me just say this: you do NOT get to f*** another woman's husband........and then attempt to take the moral high ground. I don't care about the affair. I care about the mindless hypocrisy and intellectual dishonesty of your arguments. You "won't try to take him"? Jesus, honey, you're doing BOTH things: you're trying to take him (despite your protestations to the contrary) and trying to NOT take him. And also admiring her "heart" in the process? Come down from the pedestal that you've built for yourself. Nobody admires your nobility OR your grandiose sacrifices......because you have none.

  • Hmm I wasn't trying to take any moral high ground. What I am doing is wrong. I am fully aware. I guess I wasn't clear. What I meant was I won't ever ask him to leave her. I won't ever even suggest or hint that he should leave her. As it stands he intends to stay with her forever, and I have never once suggested otherwise. And you know, despite my poor judgement and even poorer behavior I do have a right to make observations about his wife. We're friends, perhaps I am a s*** friend to have, but we're still friends. I see that she has a kind heart. She'll go out of her way to donate supplies when there is a natural disaster, and yet she can be so selfish other times. I see her take advantage of those closest to her, not just her husband. I see her compete with her own mother on who has the worse health concerns when her mother has cancer. I am not on a pedestal. I am not making any sacrifices. He is her husband, not mine. I am simply stating that although I wish it was different - it's not, and it never will be.

  • You'll regret this decision one day, and you'll hate yourself for it. No, you won't hate the affair. You'll hate it that you didn't take him. TAKE HIM. Start today. Blow up their marriage, and take him for yourself. You deserve him. And he deserves you. Go get him.

  • Yeah just like his wife would regret taking him the moment she finds out and this trash woman

  • Yanno...pulling the trigger to blow up a marriage just isn't in me. I am well aware the cheating makes me a disgusting person. If he wants to leave he'll have to do so on his own. I don't ever want her to know about the affair. Not for my well being (or his) but for her.

  • Maybe the affair fills a hole in both your lives.

  • It does. And it means she gets to keep him. He was ready to leave. Something had to give...and there I was. Doesn't make it right.

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