I love him still
That there are times i wish it was 2013. i confess that I wish I could just pause that moment where we both fell for each other and we had one another without the whole world getting involved. i was hurt, abused so much in my life and i felt, that God had given me you because of all that pain and how you just so easily got rid of it. I remember on the 11th of May you wanted me more than anyone.
You gave me everything, and I was so young to appreciate it, and so insecure to understand it. And I should be angry at you, for not understanding why I lied but how can I? Sometimes I walk past that place I used to stay, and I remember sleeping on the floor, because my parents separated and this is where I was, and you would text me just to make sure I was ok.
I remember telling you about all that pain, how I was impure and you wished you could have changed the way it was.
and then I remember you gave me all your insecurities and I held them in my heart, because I wanted to save you even though I couldn't save myself.
And when you left, when all was broken. I still replay everything despite forgiving myself. I got involved with other men who just made the pain more unbearable.
And we tried still, you know, me and you. But there is not a day that goes by where I wish I was sleeping your arms again and kissing you. You were and still are my dream and I see you happy with other different women. And it hurts so bad, because the happiest part of my life was that part, and I find myself reading old conversations, and it hits me I can never be that happy again. And I've tried.