Im a 17 year old girl. About half a year ago, I had a relationship with this guy. We talked for a good 2 months or so until he eventually left me for another girl. Then, he started to talk to me again in June. We picked up where we left off and two weeks after we started talking, we planned to hang out with another one of his friends and girl. We we're drinking and I definitely had too much. We went up to his room and starting hooking up and I don't remember much but basically we had s**. That was my first time and I don't even remember saying yes or how it even happened. I regret it so much. It gets worse though. About two weeks after, on my birthday, we did it again but sober. I felt pressured and like he only wanted me for physical stuff so I went with it because I was scared he'd leave me again. I regret that time even more. But it gets worse. Later that night, I went to a party with my friends to celebrate my birthday and I drank way too much again. I don't remember much but I vaguely remember having s** with another guy and then giving head to a different guy. I don't remember how any of that happened but Ive never felt like such a w**** in my whole life. Ive never felt so ugly and unwanted before then. I lied to my friends because I didn't want them to judge me or think Im a bad person for it because I'm actually a pretty decent person. I just f***** up really bad in a span of two weeks and I hurt so much because of it. The ass I was talking to eventually dumped me again because he lost his feelings for me. So now I'm alone, hiding the biggest most awful secret from my closest of friends. I just want to erase it all but I can't and I made the most typical of mistakes by losing something so special to someone so meaningless to me. I've started to hate myself. What should I do?

Aug 29, 2012

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  • S**, even kinky s** with multiple partners, can be a beautiful thing, but it has to be done right. I think you need to focus on self-development for a while, and don't have s** with anyone until your mind is in a good place.

    A few points:

    1. Forget all this bullshit about calling yourself a s*** or a w****. S** does not make you a bad person. From reading your post, it is obvious that you are a sensitive and thoughtful young woman. You deserve self-respect. Don't forget that.

    2. You are drinking too much. Even if you only have alcohol occassionally, you are drinking too much when you drink. Is it possible you could become and alcoholic or dipsomaniac? You need to figure out if you can control your drinking.

    3. You need to develop some good skills for handling peer pressure. If you have peer presure to have s**, and you don't want it or you have legitimate concerns about the consequences, tell them no. If they insist, use a little snark with them. Say things like "If you're really that h****, why don't you go have a nice intimate moment with your right hand - you have lots of practice at it."

    4. It is okay if people don't like you. Really, it is okay. Be gentle with everyone, and if someone still doesn't like you, it is their loss.

    So, I have a few assignments for you:

    1. Make a list of your good qualities. I want you to read this list every morning, and add to it as you think of good things about yourself.

    2. Read the book "Getting to Yes" - it is a book on conflict resolution. It will teach you how to handle conflicts, including those with your peers, in a constructive manner. If you practice what the book teaches, it will give you the skills to handle peer pressure and other interpersonal difficulties.

    3. M********* to satisfy your sexual urges, but do not have s** until your are emtionally and mentally ready. Do you know what it means to be ready?

    4. Pick a goal, like college, on which to focus.

    Will you do these things?

  • I agree with most of this, but at the same time I think some of the stuff you say isn't exactly right.

  • That was actually very helpful haha. Thanks for the advice!

  • Stop drinking for starters. You don't seem to make good decisions after you've had a few.

  • I had a friend who was a girl, and she was the sweetest thing I had ever met. We got on great from the go-ahead and developed a great friendship very quickly. Then she told me that she lost her viginity at 14 with 2 guys at the same time, and regularly in her teens she would sleep with 2 different guys in the same night. My opinion and respect for this person dropped to zero. Instantly. Now I dont even speak to her much because when i see her i automatically think 's*** with no self respect'. That's what your story reminded me of.

  • There is NOTHING wrong with having s** with multiple people. You are terrible judgmental person.

  • I understand where you're coming from but I am a very smart and nice girl and even though I made those mistakes and regret them, I've realized that I haven't done that much wrong in my life compared to rapists and murderers and such. I'm a genuinely kind and loving person and I don't think people should judge me solely on the mistakes I've made in the past. I'm not the only one with things they regret.

  • Never felt like such a w**** in UR whole life ???

    BABY .......... YOU ARE A W**** !!!!

    YOU GONNA BURNE IN H*** !!!!!!!

  • I honestly have no respect for people that see a girl who's obviously very confused and distressed and have nothing but negative and rude things to say. I posted this comment as a way to help myself move on with my life and having people post hurtful things is not what I need.

  • Sweetie you were pretty much raped if you didn't give him consent to have s** with you.He most likely took advantage of you while you were drunk,unless if he was too.

  • I was kind of thinking about that but its too scary to even consider. I also feel stupid calling it rape since I was so intoxicated. But I'm starting to think maybe it is true..

  • Um, don't go down the rape road. you weren't raped and you even said as much in your post. you were drinking (underage no less) and you went back and did it again. also you blew some strange dude and gave it up again at the party. get the point?take responsibility for your actions and don't let your guilt s**** someone else's life. quit drinking and you'll find life a lot easier to deal with.

  • Some girls do cry rape though.

  • I didn't give consent the first time because I don't even remember it. The law is that if the person is too intoxicated to give consent then it is technically rape. I never said anything about reporting it and ruining the guy's life. I'm not like that and I am taking responsibility for my actions. I know I shouldn't have been drinking but the point is that it happened and now I'm trying to get my secret out there and off my chest. But all that happened was that I got trashed by a bunch of strangers who get a kick out of anonymously harassing people.

  • Who ever you are thanks!for sharing that with her...just because she's feeling guilty and he chose not to date her anymore,it turns in to a case of "he raped me".That is sad,he maybe an a$$hole but,what is a girl called who goes down the rape road just because they are upset things didn't go the way they dreamed?

  • You weren't there and you definitely weren't the one who sobered up hours after and realized that magically you weren't a virgin anymore. I didn't want to lose it that first time. And I don't really consider it rape, even though according to the law it would be. This isn't me trying to put the blame on someone else. I definitely blame myself for all of it and if you'd really read my post you would've been able to pick up on my tone.

  • I can imagine how hard that is. I haven't done anything like that quite, but I'm married and one night with one of my best friends (girl) we got into it too much, were alone together, and I began playing with her puss and t***. Our spouses both found out (they were 20 miles away from home, looking for us that night) and finally found us. It was fun, but I do regret it. I was on some pretty weird drugs that my doctor gave me, and a psychiatrist said I was bi-polar and that people like that often get into similar situations. I'm not only blaming the medicine, just saying. It might help to talk to someone you trust about it, maybe an ecclesiastical leader or something. That's how I began to heal and now I just feel great. My wife still has periods where she wonders if I won't somehow cheat on her again, but I try to reassure her and somehow life goes on pretty smoothly. Good luck, my friend and forget the nasty postings. They're a bunch of ...heads just looking for someone to hurt. lots of love, ERS.

  • Thanks for being supportive. apparently there aren't many sensitive and supportive people out there

  • Stop drinking you d*******, you obviously didnt learn the first time.

  • I don't think I should be labeled a w**** or s*** or whatever you called me just because I had two nights of mistakes. There are people who've done much worse.

  • I say can i get invited to your next bday party ?

  • Nope don't think so..

  • Douch

  • Hi im a 17 year old guy, jus wanted to say that u sound like a really sweet girl and i hope that a****** gets his ass kicked every day for the rest of his life for what he did to you

  • Thanks it helps having someone my age understand. unfortunately the guy goes to my school and makes me uncomfortable everyday. I pretend im fine even though it hurt me more than I let on.

  • I totally agree

  • I'm sixteen and I'm afraid to tell anyone that I was raped by my ex boyfriend. I can't bear the pain but I can't tell anyone. I just can't....

  • Hi i have had people do that before .... if someone does that to you the worst thing you can do is give them the chance to do it again ....and they will. i dont understand why you whored yourse

  • I gave him a second chance because I believe that humans are bound to make mistakes and I would want a second chance so I thought I'd give it a shot. I realize now people shouldn't be trusted too easily

  • You're 17, don't be so h****** yourself. You can't change the past, just have to move forward. Chalk it up to experience and learn from them. It would probably be good for you to talk about them with someone. Talking does help to process whatever you're going through. Those close to you just want the best for you.

    You may want to start by not drinking. Aside from not being able to legally drink, it sounds like you're not able to handle your alcohol. Losing control and not remembering what happened after drinking is unsafe and unhealthy. Be thankful, that you didn't place yourself in even more dangerous situations. You can have fun without drinking.

    You are not a bad person and don't hate yourself. You need to work on your self esteem. As flattering and as fun it is when guys pay attention to you, it's not love. Self esteem isn't built on how many guys you sleep with or how many want you or tell you they love you; self esteem is built on how much you love yourself. Like life, it is day to day process.

    But love yourself enough so that the nexttime you sleep with someone you wait until you're in a loving and committed relationship.

  • Thanks so much. That actually helped a lot. I've been dying to get all that off my chest and I'm happy it's out there


  • Err, did she say he was black?

  • Hey a****** I'll have you know that I'm black and I do not have HIV. So how about you stop being a racist ass clown and stop joking about s*** like this

  • Your mother has HIV

  • Your mother gave you HIV.

  • Hey, so I'm having a party saturday night. Free booze, I hear you're the life of the party! You're very invited!

  • How sweet of you to invite me! But I think I'm gonna pass on that one..

  • Leave the past behind and erase it off ur memory..... believe me only you can do that.... and remember never ever in your life discuss all this with anyone specially with the guy u will be getting married to.... so what if u had an bad experience just remember that it happened to all in some or other way.. just control your drinking because that seems the cause for all.. if u regret this all things.. thn pls stop drinking.. and concentrate on ur life u being just 17 yrs.. you have lot to go dear.. keep smiling always....

    A Friend From India

  • Thanks for that. I needed to talk to someone

  • By posting this you've helped yourself.

    Like the first reply just chalk it up as experience and learn from it. Good on you for getting it out there.

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