Im a 17 year old girl. About half a year ago, I had a relationship with this guy. We talked for a good 2 months or so until he eventually left me for another girl. Then, he started to talk to me again in June. We picked up where we left off and two weeks after we started talking, we planned to hang out with another one of his friends and girl. We we're drinking and I definitely had too much. We went up to his room and starting hooking up and I don't remember much but basically we had s**. That was my first time and I don't even remember saying yes or how it even happened. I regret it so much. It gets worse though. About two weeks after, on my birthday, we did it again but sober. I felt pressured and like he only wanted me for physical stuff so I went with it because I was scared he'd leave me again. I regret that time even more. But it gets worse. Later that night, I went to a party with my friends to celebrate my birthday and I drank way too much again. I don't remember much but I vaguely remember having s** with another guy and then giving head to a different guy. I don't remember how any of that happened but Ive never felt like such a w**** in my whole life. Ive never felt so ugly and unwanted before then. I lied to my friends because I didn't want them to judge me or think Im a bad person for it because I'm actually a pretty decent person. I just f***** up really bad in a span of two weeks and I hurt so much because of it. The ass I was talking to eventually dumped me again because he lost his feelings for me. So now I'm alone, hiding the biggest most awful secret from my closest of friends. I just want to erase it all but I can't and I made the most typical of mistakes by losing something so special to someone so meaningless to me. I've started to hate myself. What should I do?