In love with good friend
I cannot even look at my friend without feeling heartbroken when thinking of the reality of the situation. I have every part of his face etched into my memory. We know so much about eachother and have been through so much. We have a very up and down friendship which is so intense. We have talked many times about him not finding me attractive and his boundaries.
I think I only see what could be if he did have feelings for me and not what is there. There is always that other level which is affecting our friendship.
I am completely awe struck by him, he is incredibly smart and has great capabilities with language, he can think through any practical problem, he gets on with people so easily and is very adult and centred in his life. It does not help that he has said he sees us as a unit and says everything other than sexual attraction is there for him.