I want out of being a parent
I'm so done. I want out of being a parent. To be honest, I wanted out when I found out I was pregnant, but was convinced/talked into/pressured into going through with it because of religion. Well, I left religion years ago but here i am feeling stuck with this burdensome responsibility. I was never meant to be a parent. For the past few years, I've been in mechanical state. Doing things because you're supposed to. But I've hated and resented every single moment. I honestly hate myself. Yes there are those times when you think this isn't so bad. But they last a second and then you're right back to hating your life and the horrible things that come along with it. Lack of money, lack of time, lack of time alone, always having to think of another even when you have no energy to sort yourself out. The constant telling offs (and my child is one of the good ones). You can't f****** move without first thinking about your child. Your time is capped, your fun is capped. Yet you're supposed to have infinite time and energy for your child. Bollocks. Three more years of this and then I'm going on a month long retreat to cleanse my spirit because I feel like I've been punished somehow. If I could go back in time, I would annihilate all the bastards I foolishly listened to and all the people who let me down (child's deadbeat father, old friends, old family). The only solace I find is that I'm not married and after this commitment, I never intend to because I hear marriage is a barrel of laughs too.