So Confused

I don't know what to do... I have had... let's say an interesting past. I recently moved back to my home town after 6 years the last time I was here my relationship broke down with the mother of my child and it sent me a bit of the rails I fell into a deep depression and became very unstable long story short I came home and promised myself no woman would take advantage of my feelings again.

This may sound a bit arseholey but I have had a couple of one night stands since I got home, the women did try to get in touch but i ignored there calls as that didn't interest me. As I said I wouldnt be played a fool twice.

The problem I now face is that I have become close to someone who is in a relationship with a past friend of mine an I know this is bad but I can't help feel the connection me and her have.

I say friend he was more a work colleague an although we did have a few drinks outside of work and did on occasions chill together I could never really take him seriously as he did talk a lot of ** an then something happened which made me question his loyalty to this day I'm not sure if what he told me was true but the seed of doubt was there and the one thing about me is I don't trust easily.

Me and his girlfriend have never actually met but have messaged/sent pics to each other since last year we have had many deep conversations a lot of funny conversations and we have flirted... a lot and we have both acknowledged that there is some kind of connection or something between us.

I know she would never leave her boyfriend despite the flame between them waxing an waning like a flickering candle however I know she isn't truely happy with her bf and if she ever did break up with him as selfish as it sounds I would definitely try an establish myself there as my feelings for her have grown strong.

Yesterday i fell out with her not that anything was her fault it was completely all me I'm very defensive especially when I know I'm about to get hurt emotionally I asked her what it was we were doing an where this may go the answer I got although honest hurt all the same. In response I do what I have always done i put a bubble around myself an push everyone away an like a fool I pushed her away.

If only she knew how I felt. I know what she feels might be more ** than anything but I have become close to her an it's killing me not talking to her I know this is for the best but it doesn't make it any easier.

I have failed after only a year being home I have let my feelings get the better of me.

Mr J

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