Deeply ashamed

The past two years have been incredibly difficult. I'm married, but when I get drunk I want male attention, that's not my husbands. I can't read men's signals at all and have found out the hard way that I'm not as attractive as I thought I was. I messaged a man last night and he totally rejected me. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed and scared that he will tell my husband. I'm such a giant f******. I've had emotional affairs and opportunities to physically cheat on my husband. But I haven't taken that step. I don't think I actually could. I think there's something inherently wrong with me. My husband is a great guy and I know he could do way better than me. I just hurt him and ruin him. I wish he'd leave me and find someone better. I feel like such an ungrateful, ugly b****.


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  • That man is crazy. No matter how old a woman is, or what she looks like, if she's offering then a man is sure to have a good time with her.

  • Yes I'm ok. He did tell my husband. And I'm painfully embarrassed. But I think we will move forward and I'll try harder to be a better wife. Thanks for your comments.

  • Good luck sweetheart...don't be so tough on yourself

  • Check back in please, are you ok?

  • I saw this shortly after it was posted, and I didn't get a chance to respond, but I wanted to. I don't think you're an ugly b*tch. I am pretty certain you're not. We can't be everyone's cup of tea, but you do appeal to someone - your husband. I don't know what's driving you to seek this attention, but I do think counseling would help you. You've made some mistakes, but nothing you can't move beyond. I hope this man doesn't rat you out to your husband. I personally fell you should seek out help for yourself, and try to avoid your husband ever learning of any of this. I also think you need to stop, even if it means leaving whatever social media platform you're using to contact people - my guess is facebook. Quit it cold turkey. I promise'll feel better shortly after that. Good luck <3

  • Don't be so h****** yourself, please. The reason the guy you messaged didn't respond favorably was likely that he was either aware of your marital status or picked up on your internal conflict, and didn't want to make your situation worse: it almost certainly had nothing to do with how you look. You certainly could have an affair, or several of them, if that's what you really want: there are men available for that, and ready and willing. The s** would be fulfilling. But before you could do that, you'd first have to resolve your self-loathing and present a realistic and positive picture of who you are, and how sexy and desirable you are. Even ambivalence is unattractive: a man wants an affair partner who is enthusiastic and wild and h**** and insatiable. It's hard to do any of those things when you're unhappy with yourself. On the other hand, if you only really want your husband and no one else (and I believe this is what you actually want, judging by your writing), you can have that instead. Start by going to see a counselor or therapist, someone recommended to you by a medical doctor or a friend. Then explain to your husband that you're struggling and you need him to help you by going to the sessions with you. Be proactive. Where you are right now is under the clouds of depression, and you're tired and worn out by the condition, and you feel hopeless. Take a step to make things better for yourself, then you can present yourself -- the REAL YOU -- to an affair partner or to your husband, and you can have incredible s**. But you can't do that from where you are: you're going to have to get up and move first. Do it. Start today. Best wishes.

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