I did something very wrong

I was at a convention for PR last September, and I had a one night fling with a co-worker. We are both married, I am a 42 year old woman with a great husband and 3 children, and he is only a few years younger. There is no affair going on, though, and we both want to keep it that way. But I still feel miserable, especially because I am afraid he might talk to someone else, and my husband knows a lot of people from my company. Telling my husband the truth would kill my marriage and I don't want that. I hate feeling like this for the last 2 months, but I guess this is the price. Any advice?

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  • every time one of your kids or your great husband says i love you think about what a w**** u are.If you loved them you would have kept your legs closed.i have NO sympathy 4 you.

  • Lies, lies, lies. Here's your "how to" for cheating from somebody who sounds like a professional.

  • Just trying to give her some advice that might be useful, rather than tie her to a post and set the fire beneath her feet. Some people are so uptight about s** they react the way you reacted. If you truly love someone you give so much more of yourself. A sexual dalliance shouldn't be fatal in a reasonable, less uptight society. In fact, it can spice up a good marriage. It's just a pleasant physical act (with the right partner) and not a hot poker in the eye to your loved one. I'm just guessing, but I think this woman is enjoying the sweet guilt she gets from the memory or her infidelity. Yes, she's concerned about her husband finding out because he would not be able to accept what she did. So, she needs to do her best to keep it secret from him, not wallow in guilt. In the meantime, she can fantasize about her affair as she's with her husband and give him some of that good f****** action that may have been fading from their marriage. I'm sure yyou understand now.

  • Wrong. And if she were "enjoying" the guilt, then why would she be posting about how bad she feels about it? I hope her husband does find out, why doesn't she do the right thing and tell him if it's going to "help" a marriage she has with a husband she describes as a "great" guy. Sounds like she cheated because she could, and now it's eating at her. That's called just desserts. She should have been concerned about how her husband would feel BEFORE knocking boots with the other guy. She never said her marriage lacked ANYTHING. What she did was selfish.

    And NO, I don't understand how having a sexual dalliance outside of committed marriage, helps the marriage. It's not helping hers. If something is lacking in the bedroom, that's where the communication comes in..not in someone else's bed.

  • Reality check. You need to talk with the guy and let him know this can never get out. If he runs his mouth you deny, deny, deny. You say he hit on you at that convention and you shot him down flat. You say he was guilty and ashamed and swore you to silence. You say he's telling people he had s** with you because he's afraid you were going to tell people the truth. So you f***** some guy one night. You did not give him your love, devotion and total self. You gave him some p****. Move on. You and your husband will be far better off if you let it go. But be warned, once you've tasted that cheating bug you will think about it again. Yes you will. Just be extremely careful and don't allow any emotional attachment and everything will be fine.

  • How do you expect people to feel about you after dropping a bomb like that? Any "compassion" is for your poor dumb husband who doesn't know what you did to him...yet. But with 3 children, that implies you've been with him some length of time, unless you're the best as of yet un-known actress in the world, you can't hide guilt, not forever and not for long. Are you so sure he doesn't suspect something's not right with you already? There's only two choices when it comes to "advice." Tell him, or don't. And from what you've already posted it sounds like you're pretty certain NOT to tell him. So what other advice are you looking for? That you're not pregnant or didn't catch an STD is fortunate, however you're still experiencing the mental and emotional consequences or your actions. Nothing to be done about that. You're not a kid, you're older than some of the people probably posting and reading about this. Hopefully, someone else can be spared some heartache by NOT doing what you did.

  • I have to ask, if a friend of yours confided to you about this same scenario..what would you say or advise? What kind of advice were you expecting to receive? You were unfaithful to your husband and put your marriage at risk. What do you want to hear? Give it time and it will all go away? You refuse to tell your husband, so you live with the fear that the truth may come out. That's the risk you take. Life is about making choices. Some good and some bad and learning from them. Got to just own it and work through it the best you can. You just have to deal..

  • I agree with the poster that said "something lacking in the marriage" can/may cause a person to stray. The issues are with the person themselves. There's no excuse for infidelity, none. You enter into marriage willingly, no one forces you into it unless you're 12 and live in Afghanistan or someplace like that. Here's a lesson, MARRIED PEOPLE SHOULDN'T FLIRT. What was missing was respect for your husband. How would you feel if your husband did that to YOU? Would you have "flirted" with the other guy if your husband had been standing right next to you? No one can ever say flirting is harmless, any and EVERY affair or one-nighter INCLUDED flirting; it's a SIGNAL. Your husband likely flirted with you to let you know he was interested, right? Flirting means the same thing single OR married. Look what the LACK of morals has done to society in general. Divorces, Diseases, S** Abuxe, Pedophilia, you name it. Leaving people to do what feels "right" to them means learning the hard way and hurting other people in the process. If you KNOW you want to do what you want with whomever you want, don't marry in the first place. But if you make a committment, HONOR it. To the OP, I stand corrected, I can't presume to know "why" you cheated because I don't know YOU personally. But whatever excuse or reason, know this. If/When it gets out,nobody is going to care "why", you did it, all they'll know is "what" you did and it won't be good for you. Be prepared to lose the respect of your community and co-workers, perhaps even a few friends. That's a further part of the price you'll pay for just ONE night.

  • I thought I was asking for a good advice, not for preaching. I know the theory, but I made a mistake - once in a lifetime, because I already know there will not be a second one, ok? "Thanks" for your "advice" and "compassion"!!!

  • Humans are not a monogamous species, pure and simple. Morality, well that is relative to each individual.

  • "Holier-than thou" if by that you mean someone who is honest, honorable and moral then that would be me! It is people like you who have no morals or decency.Who does anything and I mean ANYTHING without regard for anyone! But in the end one has to live with ones self! And you can see how that lady is NOT faring well.Calling names(s*****) when someone is not in the trash pile with you only reinforces exactly who and what you are!

  • Good for you! Tell all these holier-than-thou pieces of s***** to kiss your ass!

  • Holier-than-thou you say? Good for Her? No, BAD for her because of her lack of judgement plus carelessness. Did you read her post? She REGRETS it, it shouldn't have happened and she's going to SUFFER for it for a very long time.

  • Hey, I only know what you posted! And no one can ever be sure of NOT getting any STD"s unless there is complete monogamy of both parties.And please do not tell me it was "just a stupid mistake".This one night stand had to be planned. Think about it.... you know what each of you had to do to get together.Furthermore he did not "insist"to do it again because he didn't WANT to, once was enough for him.When you gave him what he wanted, he was done with you!If your husband is so great WHY would you cheat on him???
    Oh, BTW, don't fall for that old line that "something must be missing/ lacking in your marriage" for you to stray. BS!!! You wanted to s**** the younger guy AND you did! What is lacking is your respect for your husband and little regard for your marriage.Just remember... Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it!

  • Ok, maybe it was just a little curiosity and flirt, but honest to God, I didn't want it to get that far!!! Plus, we didn't "plan" anything, we just went with the flow.

  • Own what you did. You're half to blame for what happened. nobody dragged you into bed with the other guy. Ok, there's obviously something lacking in your marriage, bedding someone else didn't make things any better now did it? Now you've made things more complicated for yourself in a big way. The longer you keep this secret, the more it's going to eat away at you.

  • f*** it tell him and when you do blame him because: he didn't love you enough, he doesn't spend enough time with you, he doesn't pleasure you at all, or any excuse that women say just to make them seem that they are not at fault for their actions

  • "Telling my husband the truth would kill my marriage." NOOOOO,having s** with someone who is NOT your husband will kill your marriage! IMHO, you should tell your husband, and BOTH of you should get tested for any STDs.

  • Telling my husband is out of the question. And so are STDs - this is my last concern. You sure don't know the situation. I'm at my first mistake ever, and I am pretty sure he never cheated, either, he is not the type. It was just a stupid mistake we made; he didn't even insist to do it again, when he realized what we just have done. For 2-3 weeks I was more worried of pregnancy, but fortunately it was not the case.

  • Thankfully you're not pregnant..but still something was obviously lacking in your life and/or marriage for you to stray. Regardless, this is where you are now. Telling your husband could very well destroy your marriage. But if you don't deal with it, the guilt will most likely destroy you. Not sure if you're going to get your answers from this type of forum. You most likely should get into counseling for yourself and speak with a professional, get to the root of everything. Just curious.. can you find a new job (I know, the economy sucks..)? I can't imagine working with this co-worker is easy or healthy.

  • Whatever you do, don't tell your husband. Time will heal it and it will go away eventually. I'm talking from experience, believe me.

  • If I had a great husband and 3 kids, nobody would ever get in my pants to begin with. Now you have to live with a lie. One stinging thing about "truth", it ALWAYS gets out.

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