I went to a church today. One of very few times I've ever gone to a church. Not cause I don't believe. I'm just secure enough in my belief and love of God that I don't need to go to church to show that, not that I'm criticizing anyone who does attend. It's just not for me.
And the particular chuch I went to was nice enough, beautiful enough. But as nice and beautiful as it was... I had to force myself not to walk out in the middle of the service.
I wonder if I'm a unique case. It just felt so... polluted. Commercialized. It unnerved me. I was just... disgusted. I don't know.
But I stayed, cause of my cousin. That's the only reason I went. His death was being honored, and I love him very much.
When I got in the car with my mom, I said ''Don't ever ask me to do that I again. I did it for him.''
Not for Him. No, I love God my own way, not through some polluted, over-crowded church. I felt ashamed that my cousin was being honored there.
I'm not sure what I'm confessing here. Maybe just confessing an experience that I can't really share with anyone else.