I used to feel evil, now I embrace it as identity...
I'm a 32 year old man. At one point a few years ago I was torn apart by a sexual attraction to younger girls (under age). The thoughts and desires I had ripped me apart. Especially because I have three beautiful daughters of my own. I used to think I was a monster or that I was messed up in the head. I was terrified by it. I thought counseling would help. I thought I could just stop the thoughts if I willed myself hard enough. I couldn't have been more wrong.
I've taken a good hard look at who I am. Who I want to be. And after much reflection and soul searching, I now realize that those thoughts and desires aren't going anywhere. I've figured out that they are just a part of my makeup. Much like a person who is gay or asexual. The difference of course, is that my sexual preference is illegal. But I can't make it go away. So now, I embrace it as part of what makes me who I am. I will have to live with it the rest of my life. So I might as well accept it.
Now, don't sit there and think I'm some kind of predator who only wants to prey on the young and innocent. I'm not. I've never acted on it. But I do find the youthful exuberance of young girls very attractive. And I do find their physical form very desirable. There is something refreshing and powerful about them. And they bring such joy to the world with just a smile. I am thankful every day for each of them.
Now, I'd be a liar if I said I didn't want to please a little girl in every way. And I have masturbated many times with thoughts and fantasies of young girls bouncing around in my head. I've age played with (legal) girls on chats. I've even looked at non nude model pictures. I would love to have a little girl let me be her 'daddy'. But, I'm not willing to break the law for it. If it were legal, I definitely would find a wonderful little girl to love and cherish and please. But it's not. So I continue living with just my fantasies to keep me going.
Please, share comments and give feedback. I post this so other men out there know they aren't alone. But I implore you men who feel an attraction to underage girls, do NOT harm them! It's one thing to feel this way. It's an entirely different thing to go around ruining girls lives simply to please yourself. Love then from a distance. Be human. Not a monster. Thanks.