I used to feel evil, now I embrace it as identity...

I'm a 32 year old man. At one point a few years ago I was torn apart by a sexual attraction to younger girls (under age). The thoughts and desires I had ripped me apart. Especially because I have three beautiful daughters of my own. I used to think I was a monster or that I was messed up in the head. I was terrified by it. I thought counseling would help. I thought I could just stop the thoughts if I willed myself hard enough. I couldn't have been more wrong.
I've taken a good hard look at who I am. Who I want to be. And after much reflection and soul searching, I now realize that those thoughts and desires aren't going anywhere. I've figured out that they are just a part of my makeup. Much like a person who is gay or asexual. The difference of course, is that my sexual preference is illegal. But I can't make it go away. So now, I embrace it as part of what makes me who I am. I will have to live with it the rest of my life. So I might as well accept it.
Now, don't sit there and think I'm some kind of predator who only wants to prey on the young and innocent. I'm not. I've never acted on it. But I do find the youthful exuberance of young girls very attractive. And I do find their physical form very desirable. There is something refreshing and powerful about them. And they bring such joy to the world with just a smile. I am thankful every day for each of them.
Now, I'd be a liar if I said I didn't want to please a little girl in every way. And I have masturbated many times with thoughts and fantasies of young girls bouncing around in my head. I've age played with (legal) girls on chats. I've even looked at non nude model pictures. I would love to have a little girl let me be her 'daddy'. But, I'm not willing to break the law for it. If it were legal, I definitely would find a wonderful little girl to love and cherish and please. But it's not. So I continue living with just my fantasies to keep me going.
Please, share comments and give feedback. I post this so other men out there know they aren't alone. But I implore you men who feel an attraction to underage girls, do NOT harm them! It's one thing to feel this way. It's an entirely different thing to go around ruining girls lives simply to please yourself. Love then from a distance. Be human. Not a monster. Thanks.

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  • I picture you saying this in front of a judge as you stand on trial. The results of which are hilarious!

  • There's a group called Virtuous Pedophiles you ought to check out

  • I've always felt sorry for guys in your situation. I'm sure you didn't choose to have sexual fantasies that, if acted upon, could land you in jail. I think you're handling this in a mature and responsible manner. Continue to enjoy your fantasies within the boundaries of what is legally permissible. A word of caution though. Many of these child p*** sites seem to be either set up by the cops or are monitored by the cops, so if you go to a child p*** site and download any pictures you will get busted and thrown in jail. Here in NJ we here about a new child p*** bust almost every week. Personally, I don't agree with the heavy handed way in which these child p*** laws are being prosecuted, but the reality is if you get caught surfing child p*** you'll eventually get busted and thrown in jail. Be strong, be wise, stay safe and God bless.......

  • I want to clarify too, I don't actually view p***. There are a number of non nude modeling sites. I honestly believe they're set up to skirt laws. But that's what I do. There's no sense causing more unnecessary harm.

  • I agree. I understand. Good on you for not acting on those illegal feelings. You and me are same in that regard. I have spent time thinking why am i the way i am.

    One rationalisation is that for a gazillion years girls were married off young and also girls needed a protector (male) just in order for them to survive so maybe through evolution girls evolved to be most attractive around that 12 or 13 age.

  • OP here. You know, I never thought of it in that regard. But that makes a lot of sense. It's really only been in the last hundred years or so that age has been an issue. Plus, I know we aren't alone. I'm a people watcher and I've seen many grown men stare at younger girls. I've even worked with guys who made sexual comments about middle school girls getting out of school. So I'm starting to think it's not as odd as I thought.

  • Yep...me too! Same feelings, same approach. I know what it's like!

  • We live within the rules of our time. In the middle ages the thing was don't be a witch. These days it's ok to be a witch.

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