I'm struggling with my autistic stepson

I am having a really difficult time with my stepson who has aspergers.

He is 11 years old and still throws tantrums over stupid things like wi-fi and not being able to get any internet. He takes no responsibility for his actions and he doesn't see how his cruel, horrible, vicious comments hurt people. When someone tells him off he starts to cry and his dad just protects him, saying that the people telling him off are wrong and he is entitled to act the way he acts.

Whenever he doesn't want to do something i.e brushing his teeth, he freaks out and starts crying because he doesn't like the taste of toothpaste...it's not supposed to taste nice, it's supposed to clean teeth but noooo...my husband says to him, 'I know it's a horrible thing to do because I hate brushing my teeth so I can see where you're coming from...' sorry what?! It's like he gives him the green light to behave like a spoilt brat. My stepson doesn't even like taking showers at our house because it's 'dirty.' Our bathroom is NOT dirty...it's old and looks like it's from the seventies but never dirty. But again, my husband makes excuses saying 'well your step mum is just messy'. My husband blames me for everything wrong with the house but I can NEVER say anything because 'he's only 11, he doesn't know any better'....yeah he doesn't know any better because you don't teach him the right things. Whenever I confront my husband on his son's behaviour he'll make sure his son is in earshot to make him look good and effectively making me look like the evil step mother. I am very calm, patient and quiet whenever he is here and I dread every other Friday when he stays with us. I hate to say it but I wish he never existed. I can't believe that my husband got this woman pregnant after knowing her for 4 months. I don't want to pay for his mistakes, especially when I have invited them into my house to live.

He got suspended from his school because he tried to have s** with a 9 year old...seriously?! What kind of behaviour is that?! I shouldn't be letting him anywhere near my house but my husband thought nothing of it. The conversations they have with each other is disturbing too; the kid was talking about all the 'hot' 10 year olds at his school and I interrupted him saying that it was inappropriate to talk about it. My husband then shouted at me saying that he should be able to speak to his son about the hot girls at his school. The kid obviously picked up on the atmosphere and to spite me, he started to talk about his dad's ex girlfriend, saying that she was so cool and asking his dad why he isn't with her instead. I wanted to kick him out of the house for that comment but again my husband did NOTHING to correct his behaviour.

I love my husband but I hate his mistake. That woman should not have had the child considering she loves cocaine and is more interested in World of Warcraft than her son.

I am at a loose end and I am really really struggling. This kid has such an evil streak too, saying that he wanted to take my dog to the vet and get him put down... for no apparent reason. To me, that's like me saying to my husband that I want to pout his son down. It's disgusting behaviour and I don't know how I can escape.

This dark cloud looms every other Friday and I would rather not be around them when he comes to stay. I wish I didn't fall in love with a man who has this kind of baggage.

HELP!

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  • I speak from experience as a close friend of mine went through the same thing. your husband and his son are only going to get worse. trust me get out while you can. eventually he will be old enough to start telling lies about you touching him etc. and your husband will believe him. trust me it's not getting better.

  • Damn thats horrible

  • Make sure you aren't around when his child visits your home and ensure you bring your dog with you as well.

    Your husband encourages his son's negative behaviour, when he should be setting and reinforcing boundaries with him. I know he has Asperger's, but that is no excuse for negative/potentially dangerous behaviour. If your husband continues to engage with him in an inappropriate manner as well, he maybe promoting potentially dangerous behaviour patterns' in his son such as; his son may rape someone in the future or physically assault someone/or animal, if Ge continues this destructive parenting cycle.

    Are you sure your husband doesn't have paedophilia tendencies? What sort of person would encourage inappropriate conversations referring to young girls of 10 years being "hot" if they didn't have these specific tendencies?

    It seems like you love your husband, or else you wouldn't being staying with him. But have you considered the alternative, perhaps divorce! Your relationship with him doesn't seem healthy and the relationship between the three of you appear; strained, inappropriate, toxic and unhealthy.

    Maybe reassess your circumstances and feelings. Just think - If you we're to have children of your own with your husband - would your child be safe from your stepson? You'd gave to closely monitor and supervise your child, when your stepson visits. And to be honest, your husband's character appears questionable as well. Think about it :(

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