What should I do?

So my bf and I have been going out for two years now and we're getting to that point where we're comfortable with each other. I love him dearly but there's a problem. He brought up the conversation of losing weight. This is what he said. " I know this sounds shallow but I like to spend my life with someone who is slim and petite ad girly. I want to show my girl off. If you're like the way you are its ok I wont force you to lose weight . But if that's the case we should just break up. I love you and I fell in love with you cuz of ur personality but for some reason cant love your body sometimes." now to me this sounds like he's body shaming me. I'm a petite woman but I'm not too girly and I'm prob 140lbs. When I look in the mirror I feel awful sometimes cuz I'm not like my friends who are skinny. I grew up being chubby. Even if I want to go to the gym I cant cuz I live at home and I can't leave my grandma alone. I commute to work everyday and usually take me so long to get home. I cant find the time to workout and I can't diet cuz I'm poor I live off my moms leftovers which is tacos and instant noodles. And sometimes bread. The only thing that's healthy in my diet is tea! He said he'll come with me to my gym and pay under my account but he doesn't sound committed. I dont know what I should do. I love him and losing him would traumatize me forever. Advice would be greatly appreciated!

Feb 23, 2017

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  • First off, he's a d***. Kick his ass to the curb. Second, he's not all wrong. You should take care of your body, it's the only one you have. So going to the gym is important, but he's still a d*** on how he delivered the information. He made it all about himself instead of your wellbeing.

  • No one deserves to be body shamed. 140lbs is normal (wish I were that weight). Find a guy who thinks you're sexy, fall in love, and live happily ever after. This guy is a t***.

  • Exercise at home, simple as that. Run around the perimiter of your house 10 times, push ups in the living room, run up and down the stairs 35 times (if you have stairs), etc., etc..

    However, 140 lbs. isn't even overweight, pretty sure that's average. So, he can shut up.

  • If he loves you, he should love you for who you're. Doesn't he realise, the emotional and psychological damage those words he said to you, could cause?

    If I was you, I would question whether he truly loves you or not. Because if he did, he wouldn't try to change you and say those hurtful things! And 140lbs isn't big! What planet does he live on?!

    Mention to him - that you'd prefer him to be more muscular and have 8 pack abs, if he doesn't already. See what his reaction is, to that.

  • Get in shape but hold him to the same standards or leave

  • I'm sorry you are having to deal with this, and I'm sorry it appears that he wants this to be your problem. You obviously love him, but does he love you? It sounds to me like he doesn't, but I'm not in the relationship so I can't say that with any confidence. If you are willing to try the gym arrangement with him paying for it, that might be a worthy test of his commitment, but only ONLY if you think you would enjoy the workouts: not because you think you need to change yourself to meet his demands or be what he wants. If you have to become something different in order to be with this man, then being with this man is probably not a good thing for you. You're in a difficult place, and the problem is that you didn't put yourself there: he did. If you want to lose weight for yourself, fine. If you want to lose weight for him, I think that is not fine. If he doesn't love the you that exists today, it seems unlikely that he'll love the one that goes to the gym.

  • With him paying for it hah. you dont need a gym to lose wieght just need to eat a little less than you burn

  • Being slim and unfit, is different to being slim and fit.

  • Excercise that uses body wieght is better

  • When I stated "fit" I wasn't referring to any specific exercises.

    That said, I agree with you. Body weight/calisthenics exercises are known to be extremely effective. But it's not to everyone's taste/individual preference.

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