Too much love to give

why can't i have them both. I have a boyfriendi live with, he is 9 years older than me, a great f***, helps with everything, yet im in love with someone else. The other guy is my age and i have been in love with him secretly since i was 14, we didnt start seeing each until 5 years ago. I have been keeping this a secret for so long. 5 years, and now the second guy wants me to either move with him or move closer and i can't. It sucks, I want them both, but not a three way or anything, i just want THEM BOTH. i love them and would do anything for them. I dont know who to pick. i started a life with one but cant stay away from the other. i cant give myself 100% to him, not while i think about and see the each weekly. They dont know about each other. different areas but once the second guy saw me with the first shopping and i told him that was my shopping buddy. I FEEL LIKE A PIECE OF S*** DAILY. they are both great guys. They are so different and my life would be completely different depending on what course i take. im going crazy. i really do love them, i wish pologamy was legal and that women could do it, i think i would i love them and want to take care of them both. life is so unfair. They both bring me joy. im such f****** garbage.

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