I am cheting on my fiancee for the past 3 or 4 months with a dude who got a kid from another chick and probably still loves that other chick. I'm afraid that I'm loosing my love for my fiance and gettin too much into this dude I've been seeing. The thing is- my fiancee is away now and I dont even know when I'm gonna c him and if we really gonna get married in summer. but I do know that there is no future with the other dude. for many reasons. but I just cant help it. he is a mess. he is not my type and he is bad for me but i just cant control it anymore. and the feeling of guilt is eating me from the inside every single day of my life. I hate myself so much and sometimes I think of just breaking up with them both but there is a connection between me and my fiancee cuz he is like the best thing that ever happened to me and he loves me and is crazy about me and he'll do whatever the f*** I want. and this other dude... he is just like and addiction. and there is defenitely smth between us that I'm too scared to even think of. sometimes I feel that hes just using me cuz hes alone but then sometimes he acts like he cares. although he is drunk and stoned for most of the time so that kinda sucks. and I've just read what I've wrote and realize how rediculus it is. I'm sorry for all that I did and will do and I just dont know how to get out of this s***. I cant even talk to anybody bout that cuz my friends probably wouldnt understand... I'm going crazy. I have never cheated before and I'm not a s*** and I'm just really freaked that I've ruined the special thing I had with my fiancee.
uh f*** it. I hate my life