March 8th: Diary Entry. 7:31 PM, Wednesday

Wow I really didn't have a great day today. I didn't finish my rough draft for my research paper. I had an emotional breakdown that period because of it, and my teacher had to talk to me outside. She was assuring me that I'm not a failure, but I really am. I could've completed it. But I have to do it now so I can get credit......

(They) performed a few measures of her solo today. She did a great job. She didn't even seem that nervous. I'm so proud of her. I gave her a hug afterwards and she gladly hugged me back. That made me happy for a little bit, but after lunch I went back to my normal depressed state.

I went to my psychiatrist today. Instead of 2 pills he is making me take 1 pill. Which is good I guess because I felt calmer with just taking 10 milligrams. But honestly.......I don't want to take my medicine. To be frank, I think I deserve to feel this way. What would happen if I just......stopped? Well, obviously I would feel more depressed but would bad things happen physically happen to my body? I'm going to take my pill tomorrow just to be safe, but after that I should just stop.....I still have to think about it more.

I'm actually starting to get a little worried. Whenever I'm with (them), she doesn't seem interested in me at all. Whenever (them) is around her, she just seems to gravitate towards him more. I'm not surprised though. I'm annoying and not that likable. She's probably had it with me. Also she always seems so uncomfortable when I hug her. Poor thing, I'm probably just making her feel incredibly awkward. Hmm......I'm just going to take it out on myself again. Like...... maybe just slap my face until its red and it is in unbearable pain? Yeah that sounds like a good idea. Maybe that will knock some sense into me. ~~~~

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