I am depressed.

I am depressed. Full-blown depressed. It was something I experienced while at university that I didn't realise was affecting me until it was over and I was in a better place. Now I'm in the middle of it, and I've been pretty sure I was depressed for a while, but now I know it for a fact and I don't know how to proceed. Something exciting and quite amazing happened, something that made me feel fantastic as it was happening even though it was small and meaningless to most people, only for me to come out the other side realising nothing has changed. I feel worse because I realise I have nobody to be excited with. I lost my best friend and realised that, even though there's a good amount of people I consider friends, they are absolutely not close enough to share my excitement or care at all.

If she just came back I think it'd go away, but that doesn't seem like something that's going to happen. I'm too scared to die in case she does come back and I'm gone, that'd be my greatest fear, but I know there's only 1 more straw needed to break the camel's back. I can feel the final straw getting closer and closer. A deep animalistic instinct of impending doom. All it takes is one snap of your fingers and suddenly everything is over. Snap.

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