Wait it out, or leave my married boyfriend.

I have been seeing a married man for 15 months. When we met it was supposed to be just a fun relationship, but we've fallen deeply in love. He told me from day one that he was married, but that he and his wife live seperate lives romantically, but are still together for the sake of their young children, and have an understanding that they will divorce in about 3 - 5 years, when the kids are older.

About 3 months ago I decided I could not wait that long and told him as much. He immediately went to his wife and told her that he wanted to shorten their timeline to about 2 years. She initially agreed and he even told me they had a great talk about how to best go about splitting to make things easiest for everyone, especially their children. But recently he's told me that she is starting to balk at the new timeline, and I get the sense that the date may keep slipping backwards.

To make matters worse I am at a point in my life where my own teen aged children will be out of the house at in college in 5 years and I need to start planning for that as well.

He's asked me to marry him, and we have had discussions about our future -- living arrangements, finances, etc.

I don't know what to do. I love him totally. I know he loves me totally as well. But I also feel that he and his wife's idea to wait for the "right time" to divorce will never materialize. I am not one for ultimatums or will never make him choose. If I leave, that's it.

Should I wait it out?

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  • Agree with almost everything the below comments are saying. It's true, you don't really know what the arrangement is between he and his wife. You believe what he is telling you. You don't know her side. For all you know, he has no plans of ever leaving her. Also consider you are dating a man with young children and your children are going away to college in a couple of years. This affair affects more than just you and him. It affects all the kids (yours included). The kids are not going away..it's a package deal. Divorce will hurt them regardless of their ages. It's not about an ultimatum. You just have to make a choice. You either break it off now or waste years of your life on a guy who many never leave his wife. You're going to be engaged to a married man which sounds absolutely ridiculous. You're making life plans with a man who is not available. You do deserve a man to love and marry again, if that's what you want. But not like this. Who's to say that this guy won't cheat on you, like he's currently doing to his current wife. You need to make a decision for what you want for your life. It sounds like A LOT of drama and that also means you putting your life on hold for this guy to put some action behind his words. P.S. There are other men out there who have a lot less baggage, you may want to consider that.

  • Why would you knowingly date a married man? There are millions of single guys out there to choose from. I just don't get it! You are the other woman,chances are he is feeding you a line of bull just to keep you around and honestly you deserve it. He is married!!

  • It sounds like it could be a mess for him to get divorced. Maybe he wants to take it slow and stay on his wife's good side, so he doesn't take a massive financial hit. Don't forget that even crappy marriages sometimes stay together for purely financial reasons.

    That being said, you deserve more. It might be better to cut this guy loose and just remember the good times (and frustrating ones) as a transition in your life. Remember all the nights that you still spend alone. Being a mistress is lousy.

  • End it and find someone who can actually commit to you. This isn't going to get better: it's just going to get more complicated, and more sad. I'm sorry. I wish the news was better.

  • If he wants to leave he will do it now. There is no real reason other than he won't leave. I left been with my second wife for 20 years

  • Sounds like he is at his wife's mercy. There is never a good time. The kids will be devistated. He should stay with his wife so the kids have two parents and you should be his mistress on the side.

  • Honey -- there is no easy way to put this.

    Expect the kids to win.

    Every time.

  • You need to make sure he isn't just telling you these things. I had an ex feed me a bunch of lies about his relationship with his girlfriend & turns out he was just stringing me along, never planning on leaving her.

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