Tomorrow

I wish I could die already. I'm failing algebra class, and even though I go to tutoring, I'm still failing. My mother hates me, and says I'm the reason why everyone's summer will be miserable if I have to go to summer school. I'm the reason why everyone is miserable you see. Even when i go out of the house to get my hair dyed it makes everyone miserable because they have to go with me, for I'm still a kid. According to my mother it puts her in a bad mood. “You are the reason why I'm so cranky. And I don't care that you have social anxiety, I'm gonna bust your f****** ass and tell it straight to your face if your grades don't get better.” Even my teachers hate me. When I don't get my work done due to my crippling social anxiety and depression they get so furious, saying how it's no excuse. I feel terrible being absent, for I know that puts more stress on my teachers and therefore they dislike me even more. I can tell my friends get annoyed by the fact that I wont stop bugging them for help, such as on homework or advice on how to ask a girl out. I bet they are so much happier that I'm absent than in school. I bet they can't stand my f****** annoying high pitch voice or how much acne and moles I have on my face.

That is why I've finally made a decision. I'm gonna end my life tomorrow, at school.(if I go, I actually have a pretty nasty cold) The next time I go to school I'm gonna do it. I've been chickening out for so long, I need to cut it out. I'm still trying to figure out the best method. I was thinking about bringing a plastic bag into the bathroom and suffocating myself. But I wanna go in a pain free way. So I'm kinda still doing research on what method is the least painful. If you have any ideas, please comment and let me know. Your help is greatly appreciating.

8 Comments

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  • There is no pain free way.

  • I think this might have been her i hope not but dates match up :( https://www.eveningtelegraph.co.uk/fp/girl-13-found-dead-monifieth/

  • Oh, stop being dramatic. You have no way of knowing if that was her-- or even if OP is a girl, really. (Boys and the other 487.3 genders out there get their hair dyed too)

  • Get help!!! You feel overwhelmed but your solution is permanent and this problem is temporary. Please...get help!

  • The people around you are not frustrated with you. They are frustrated because they don't know how to help you. You need to find someone who has the smarts and intelligence to recognize that you need more help then you are getting. Just saying "get better grades" without a plan or any type of problem solving is like telling you to flap your arms until you can fly. It's pretty useless and goes no where. Don't be afraid to communicate how you feel. Don't let them make you feel bad for who you are. You are not alone, the people who can help you just don't know. Maybe an Uncle or aunt, a councilor at school. Keep going to people you can trust and telling them what you feel. Someone will step up.

  • I used to think this way. It was a depressing to be depressed if that makes any sense. I researched into jumping off a cliff. How high etc. My biggest fear was ending up in a wheel chair. Anyway I used to sometimes set out to drive there. The thing was along the way when driving I would start to feel better. Then when I was feeling better and thinking straight, I'd start to think about why I was feeling depressed.

    So my suggestion is to take some time out. Live in the moment. Maybe write your mom a letter explaining that you don't need her judgement. Go talk to people. Maybe you can get a part time job after school. Don't tell your mom. Just do it. Something that does not require any commitment like cleaning an office or something. Even offer to work for free. My kid did that. he used to drop into this company on his way home from school. Usually just on Fridays. he would do all the last minute crap that no one wanted to do like putting away tools and all for free. one day one of the employees maybe it was the boss asked if he wanted to earn some money and told him to go see this guy in another business nearby. He used to drop in on his way home from school and do pretty much the same thing. Odd jobs. But now for money. It was the best thing for him.

  • I know how hard it is, sometimes it feels like the whole world is against you. But courage isn't having the strength to go on, it's going on when you don't have the strength

  • Please talk to your school counselor for help, there are many web pages for help too. Please know that you are loved and a very good person, and also know that it does get better. It breaks my heart to see you write this knowing that you're hurting. Please takes steps to help yourself

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