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I'm in love with my friends ex
So my best friend had this boyfriend who I ended up getting close with because I began helping them out with each other. Fast forward a few months and I'm not as close with the girl and have become the bestest of friends with her boyfriend. They break up and I start becoming closer with him and further away from her. One night we're all at a party that gets shut down really early so I ended up walking to a park with the guy because we didn't no where everyone went. I was at my peak on drugs and he was absolutely smashed. We started walking and he keeps telling me how ever since he broke up with his girlfriend he has been so keen on me and next thing I know I'm hooking up with him. I started feeling really guilty but did I stop there ? Not at all we ended up doing EVERYTHING I don't even know how and why but it just happened and we laid there and just cuddled.
For a few weeks I couldn't stop freaking out and having anxiety attacks about the situation especially since we agreed to not tell anyone as it would just cause way too much drama and it's so much harder for me since I go to school with his ex - of course she has to be in almost all my classes as well. Me and the guy are still closer than ever and I couldn't imagine my life without him he's truely is the bestest friend I've ever had words don't describe the love I have for him, and that's part of the issue. For a few weeks now I can't decide whether those feelings are relationship type of feelings or just friend type of feelings.
Sometimes I do try to picture me in a relationship with him and I know he's done the same and At one stage I'm pretty sure we both kinda wanted each other really bad relationship/** wise, but there's just so many factors that stops that from happening and as much as I would want that night to happen again, I can't put myself through all this anxiety again. We're both kinda moving on, but at the same time we always just end up back together. I kinda want to try a relationship but I wouldn't be able to keep that a secret and i would never ever EVER want to ruin our friendship.
You already proved yourself that you care about him more than friends Hooking up wont ruin your friendship, you are past that , your both in love . If anithing would have happened ( like ruin the friendship) it would have happened already . The fact you are still best friends proves that , only that your new friendship is different , that what you had before . More meaningful. Take the courage and talk with that girl , don't tell her you've already hooked up just that you think he might have a crush on you. See how she reacts and take it slow from there .