still a virgin and humiliated

I'm a 25 year old woman and still a virgin. I'm humiliated about this, and lie to people when they ask me.

Growing up I had a bit of a weight problem and didn't want anyone to see my body... or to really know me... out of fear of rejection.

now i am not that bad, still slightly overweight but relatively pretty... but i have zero experience, haven't even kissed anyone, and i feel like i missed the normal time to learn about sexuality, so now its just this big mystery and really awkward. I don't know how to even approach dating anyone. I've never had a boyfriend.

i don't talk about s** at all with my friends, I'm so embarrassed about my lack of experience. i feel like if i ever met anyone, they would know right away that i'd never been with anyone, they'd think something was wrong with me.

in every other part of my life i'm completely fine... i have lots of friends, i'm doing well in school, i'm social and go out with people, i'm friends with guys and feel comfortable around them... but we never ever talk about s**. Someone will start telling me a story and I'll listen, but I have nothing to say back.

Recently I've starting looking online for random hookups, just to get some experience. i don't know if i'd ever have the guts to go through with it though.

what should i do??

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  • You should be proud to be a virgin, not embarrassed or ashamed of it. Don't let anyone else make you feel like less for it, even better, there's no reason for YOU to feel that way. There is so much more to life than s** believe it or not, and it can be a real dissapointment and an overall bad experience far more often than you would think. The happiest women I know of are the ones who waited. Yes, they're still around, they just don't let a lot of people know it for some of the same reasons you have.

  • I felt like that. And I did precisely what you're quesitoning you should do. I don't mind it anymore..

  • I'm only 15 and have no s** life whatsoever. I'm also afraid about the way I look to myself and other people, all the time, and not sure if I'll ever be comfortable being that way with anyone at all.

    However, I do think that there's hope for everyone, really. You don't have to be embarrassed because you know that you're really gonna find someone you click with. When you finally love someone enough to go down that road, you'll have something to brag about for the rest of your life, and all this will seem silly ;]

  • I knew a woman who, in her early 40s, was still a virgin. She eventually met someone, married, and is now raising her first child.

    Don't sweat trying to find someone just so that you can have s**. Look for love, first, and let the s** come as a part of that. S** without love is empty, and it will, ultimately, not make you any happier.

  • You shouldnt be afraid to talk about s** with your friends. Try asking some questions. Ask what really made something work with one guy but might not work with another. You might just have to face that others know you are a virgin. I bet they'll be setting you up with dates in no time. But see if you can ask for help and advice. There are some fine points to learn and once you have those under your belt it gives you a sense of accomplishment.

  • If you hook up with a random guy just to get rid of your akward feelings, you'll just replace them with another feeling you don't like. Instead of seeing yourself as the outsider, see yourself for what you are. A beautiful loving girl. When you finally meet the man you want to marry, you'll experience a whole new feeling that will replace all the insecurity and awkwardness. Try not to worry about it so much, people can tell when you are insecure with yourself and it makes them insecure with you as well.

  • I met my first boyfriend when I was 20. I always felt a little off in high school because all my friends were dating each other. After I met my boyfriend I made the mistake of convincing myself that I loved him so I wouldn't feel guilty sleeping with him. We didn't jump right into it, I would sleep at his house several nights a week for a couple of months. We played and made out but we didn't have s**. Then one night I decided to let go and just do it. What a mistake that was? I didn't catch an STD or anything but because we'd had s** I became really attached to him. I ended up breaking up with him because we were on two completely different tracks in life. I don't sit around and wish that I hadn't had s** with him but I think it would have been nice to have s** for the first time with my husband (whoever he may be).

  • okay,
    I lost my virginity when I was 16 years old.
    Sometimes I wish I was where you are.
    I care about him, and I'm still with him,
    but waiting seems like a better idea.
    it's worth it, trust me.

  • Don't think of virginity as something you have to get rid of. The first time should be special. for 99% of us, it wasn't. it really, really wasn't. Don't be so sure of wanting to be in the STD crew. I'm D&D free. It was just luck.

  • ^ i agree

    i'm 20 years old and i'm saving myself for marriage and although it's a personal choice, i dont feel left out although sometimes it can get pressuring. my boss even tells me to "get laid and expirement" and i simply choose not to. but anyway, like the above, don't try hooking up with anyone just to get out of what you're feeling. chances are you'll end up getting really hurt and catching some STD's or w/e, that's worse than being inexperienced. there's a time for everything and you'll meet that special guy who'll make you comfortable enough to lead you through it all and make you feel special.

    you'll see, you'll be okay :]

  • Don't worry about it. My sister was a virgin till she was 24. She's 26 now and she's only had two boyfriends but she's getting engaged soon! The right guy will come along for you. Don't try and find someone just to hook up with. Ask your friends to help you, get their dating advice and look for a potential date with them.

  • I suggest you pick one of your guy frineds and ask him out on a romantic date like everyone else does and not worry about your experience or lack there of.

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