SuCh a Man but want to be a GiRl

Where do I start? I know I'm not Gay but a lot of my fantasies are of me being dominated in a sexual situation. Sometimes it's me being used by a female, 2 girls or more. Me eating ** and being slapped and pulled and 'forced to' eat ** a dominant bully woman but not a manly looking girl just dominate. Sometimes it's being ** while I'm eating ** and sometimes it's me also sucking a **. Now, when I say that I have tried to look at males/men 'the most attractive men' and tried 'Really ** tried' to imagine giving them head and there's nothing. The thought doesn't exactly repulse me, but I'm simply not aroused by this. To further my explaination of not being gay I've had experienced '**' with a Man. 3 men eXactly! The first time was one Guy me fRiend wanted to give me head or rather just ** off anyone. Yeah, I do not thiNk it was me exactly. One guy was/already knew he was gay and just wanted to ** a **, still not wanted me exaCtly. ....And another guy set up by the first guy who MayBe wanted ME or just a hook up, OR maybe something more. I Know it happeNed just oral on me But the guy wanted more. Ok hopefully you're still there. The 3rd guy wanted to ** me and thinkING back I wish I would have let him! Straight up! Because I would know how it felt to be ** by a complete stranger AND he was the only one of th3 "3" who made me think that he actual liked me. Or maybe it was just wanted to ** something, AnD I was ' this is the part where I was set up by the first guy' 14 and brought out by the first guy who I had already had eXperiences with ' get back to that ' set up by taking me Out, giving me drugs and alcohol and put me in a twin sized bed. The bed belonged to his roommate which was black and I am white Which I kNow is the 100 times more **. Beautiful! Anyway ' oh and I'm not even remotely racist or homophobic' but, i remember the first guy instructing me to get undressed before I got into the bed. I left my silky man ** on. haha aWesome! Well, later the guy got in bed with me and started touching me, and asked me if he could ** me ** which I didn't exactly give him permission to, And thankfully he did it anyway. He pulled my ** down to my knees and sucked me off! Oh ** did he! He started when I was still soft he got me hard in his mouth and he 'it was really good' blew me until I shot off in his mouth! Now! Not quite sure of what actaully happened but after he got up and either went to the bathroom or there was 'another guy' or him again maybe the first guy or maybe an absolute stranger! Whatever it was ** as **! Whoever came back or started giving me more head. Hmm Awesome well, I was young. So I got back hard 'by the way I'm not small I ain't no behemoth but I'm pretty big. Really thick and 8 inches. I didn't cut the 2bd time, and it didn't last long before. .........he, someone was, laying besides me or he or someone had pulled my ** back up, well he started touching me. Hands all over my ** fondling the seems of my ** up and down my ** and **. I was young and full of drugs. I told him no. And I wish now he wouldn't have taken no for my answer. But he did and stopped and I remember waking up, later. The 1st guy took me home I told him what happened and he knew which leads me to believe he watched it was involved. Anyway I won't be as detailed, but I was touched when I was younger by both make male and female at 4 times. Maybe I've always been a **!......Walk into my life, put me on my knees, call me a **, and make me eat your passy or ** **, ** in my mouth and leave me wanting more......... through all of that I've Never ever forced myself' but I've been the dominant man and submissive man. Haha I'm married and my wife while on my knees eating has grabbed me by my hair told me I wasn't eating it good enough and slapped me! Just as ** ** as anything! Woo. So, what's wrong with me or is it right? It feels like both.