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Dreading Christmas, Only going for the money
My parents are narcissists, and they think I am an 11 year old that drives. (I am 51.) I am going to see them a few days at Christmas this year for the money they give me and to meet the new dog. I do not want to see them again after that. If they want to see me Christmas 2018, I may require that they sign property over to me that they said they would over a decade ago. Actions speak louder than words. Their words are generally nasty, because they love the abuse. Their lies and broken promises are even worse. I do not like most people, but some are wonderful to me. I grew up and went to church around people like my folks, who think they are polite and are actually nasty. Watch out if they feel threatened. The "rougher" people often have an element of decency most don't. The ones in recovery programs are more likely to care about your hurt than those who are not. They know they are ** up and do not judge you. Most of them are wonderful! I am going to remain a **-up. I do not want to get better most days. The "normal" people are the ones with many problems they do not acknowledge and no compassion. I am going to fish in a pond where the "normal" people do not care to go!
I had the wrap-up session with the therapist, and he was visibly very agitated, almost failing to regulate is frustration. I made him angry somehow, but I cannot seem to care. I forgive him, but he lost his cool at work. (He was at work even if I was a soon-to-be ex-client.) I am staying away from him, but I forgive him. I would be a hypocrite if I judged him.
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