Worst friend ever (2)

She poured a coffee and sat across from me then looked at me and said "I hate you", Instantly i thought it was because of the ** but then she said "Why would you make me do shots", She continued on about how she didn't even remember going to bed, She was asking about stuff that happened and he just sat there looking at me nervously, After a couple cups of coffee her phone rang and she answered it then got up and left the room, I looked at him and shrugged with my arms up and he did the same back, I wanted to ask if she remembered but how do you ask your best friend if they remember you banging their husband.
She came back before i could say anything to him and she was rushed and panicked and said "I have to go to moms" and explained that one of their kids was puking and crying and wanted her, He asked if she wanted him to come and she said "No, I'll be back after, I'll probably have coffee there then come back". She left and as i watched her drive away he said "what the **...How is it even...IS it even possible she doesn't remember last night?", I said "I don't know, I mean...I guess it is possible, I have never had ** and not remembered it but...", I put my head in my hands and shook my head not knowing how to deal with this whole ** show then said "I have to shower".
I went and showered and when i got out he was standing there, I jumped and said "What the **", He said "We need to discuss this" and i said "No ** but..." and he grabbed the towel i was holding up in front of myself tossing it aside, I was shocked and said "What are you doing" but he grabbed my hips and kissed me.
I know i should have stopped and normally i would have but he spun me around and bent me over the bathroom counter, I had my elbows on the counter and he knelt behind me spreading my cheeks and licked me for a second or two and i said "ok...Stop" but he stood up and spun me around to face him, grabbed my ** and lifted me up sitting me on the counter, I know, I know i had my chance to stop it but he was just so...I reached down and grabbed his ** and guided it as he shoved it in me, He was holding my legs up and reaching around them pulling my nips as he pounded me, then picked me right up and laid me on the floor, He pounded me so hard that when i came i could feel the wet spot on the bathroom floor, He pulled out and came on my ** then shoved it back in me and just slowly worked it in and out as he smeared his come all over my chest and neck. When he pulled out i got back in the shower and he left.
I got out and rushed to the living room in my house coat, i sat beside him and said "Ok...We need to talk" and he said "I agree" but then he reached in my housecoat and grabbed my **, I slapped him away and said "Stop...Seriously...We need to talk" and he grabbed me again, I slapped him away again and said "NO...we need to discuss this, we cannot...** ...", Finally he sat back and we talked, He says she doesn't remember any of it and honestly there are parts i don't remember but i think i remember the bulk of it except for when he said "You didn't complain when you had her ** in your mouth", I don't remember that but whatever, that's not the point.
Point is that now i have done something i can't come back from, If it had been just that night fine, I could maybe talk to her and salvage some shred of our former relationship but now i ** him the next day and can't stop thinking about it, I have never even thought about cheating first off or one of my friends husbands or boyfriends second off. Now there is no way i can ever say anything and he knows it, and is now taking advantage of it, He has always been a great guy but now that he knows i can't say anything and a week after it happened she still doesn't remember he keeps texting me saying he can't wait till i come to visit again and stuff which of course i delete instantly.
How could i be so horrible.

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