I want to watch my gf use the bathroom

My gf (of 8 years) and i will use the bathroom together and not think much of it, sometimes we just ask eachother ‘come with me?’ And we just go together and talk about stuff like how our day was or whatever.
However ive found that i enjoy watching her for one reason or another and i think shes on to me but doesnt know as of right now. sometimes going in there with her isnt apropriate due to the fact that we have family over or visitors or were in public or a friends house etc but she will txt me while in there and tell me what shes doing just out of what i belive is just humor and entertainment whilst shes pooping. I get a moderate level of sexual arousal from it but dont ever act upon it unless i m********* to the thought of it alone later that night.
Sometimes whe she has to go I ask her if i can go and she will say no and just wants to p*** alone which is ofcourse okay. I do however get really anxious when she goes alone because i sort of know what shes doing in there and want to be a part of it but i cant because i have to respect her and dont wanna drive her nuts. The anxiety sometimes really hits me really bad when i cant be in the bathroom with her while she goes and i dont really know why. Does that happen to you or do i have a bigger issue than i realize?

I cant seem to find any links with anyone with the anxiety but can find people that can relate in almost all other aspects of this strange what i guess you could call fetish.
I usually have little to no intentions on touching it or rubbing it on me
I usually just like to watch her go and wipe and be done with it
I notice too that if she goes in front of me say before we go out or something i know shes already went for the day pretty much, so if we go out my anxiety settles down quite a bit but if she doesnt go before going out i almost get nervous or worried shes going to have to go while were out or somethings going to happen where we cant be together while she does it..
Some days are worse than others but i fear this will eventually take over my relationship and even my life if i dont get it under control
Other than this im a very well mannered rather normal person. You would never know about this by talking to me
Literally nobody I know knows this about me including her and im afraid to tell her
Any useful information would be great

Im so embarassed by this but cant help it and just looking for some adivice


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  • It's not something to be embarrassed about, but I would advise not to act on it - I don't think she'd break up with you, but I would try to figure out if it would bother her first.

  • Yeah i guess theres no avoiding talking about it at some point. Idk wtf is wrong with me. When i really sit down and think about all this i just say to myself how silly it is
    What i was thinking about today is that since i just have anxiety in general, this issue just kind of gets thrown into the mix of other things i get anxious about.
    Shes cool and confortable enough with me to do this.. i just dont want it to get out of hand and interfere with out relationship
    Part of me wants this ‘desire’ of mine to go away but another part doesnt lol

    Thank you for your response

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