Should i seek help?

Ever since i was a kid..maybe 8yrs old back in'91 -'92 i have been sexually attracted to certain family members like much older sisters (2),same age or 1-2 yrs difference give or take nieces, (multiple) cousins (multiple) etc.. anyone that i wasn't very close to almost, I've lusted after,and i believe on a few occasions it's been recipticated (once for sure but I'll confess that separately) the main person or 1 of 2 main people is my eldest sister,who was born in '62 or '64..?? Idk always mix that up,ok in 2012 her being 48-50yrs old n me 29yrs old, she's a red head and a beautiful woman,has always had her share of guys wanting her probably nuthin special to most of society but sexy to local guys including myself...her n her husband weren't doing well n were on the verge of divorce,so i come from TN to visit them in WV and he has to help his parents with something back home an hr and a half away 2 counties over,well since i had come in she didn't want to go which he didn't like (i believe he knew i was into her n maybe knew she returned it) so begrudgingly he relented n even got us a ride to a gas station for alcohol,beer bc i didn't have enough money for liquor n it was way out of the way anyways,so we got 4 tall cans of Bud Light plus she had 3 small Miller's high life at home,he leaves n she puts on her favorite 80's/90's mix,dresses in a pretty white long sleeve blouse, with a button up v neck n tight blue jeans which hug her hips (with birthing 4 kids is pretty healthy on width) now she has meat on her but is still kinda slender with c cup b******,she even done her make up n all then starts telling me what a lightweight she is with alcohol (1-2 beers n she's loopy... literally) which ik already n how her marriage is over n she ready for it to be n i give her the encouragement i think will get me laid then she says "gosh when i get like this idk what Chris (husband) looks like" so im kinda in shock bc ever since i was 8 I've been hoping one day to f*** her and here she is steering the convo in that direction,so i say "really...like how ya mean?" She replies (typos on purpose) "well when i get drunks like i am right now i think every guy that tries to sleep with me is chris, that's why he hates when i get drunk without him around"..." he's afraid I'll cheat and i probably would and not remember a thing about it" so now im in full blown shock...is she honestly giving me secret permission to f*** her brains out? So idk what to say except "yeah" sorry to disappoint ya but nothing happened we just set silently for few more minutes n she went to bed..now before you berate me for not hittin it,know that as lustful towards her as i am i also know how manipulative she is n has been like accusing me of wanting to sexually assault any random person she thinks of when ever she would be mad at me,only to say "no i was just mad that's why i said that" later on..so when this situation happened as overjoyed as i was i also thought "holy s***....what if she is so twisted that she really does want to f*** but also knows she can't deal with the guilt so she is gonna have me f*** her while she is drunk so if/when anything is brought up,she can plead the i was drunk and he knows how i get,he took advantage of by acting like he was chris case" i mean if she couldn't handle the guilt she could just bring it up her self,even keep a s**** sample n such to prove it...ik it sounds f***** crazy but it's true well the the situation happened that's true,if she had it planned to ruin my life with it idk but she hinted a yr b4 that about it again while drinking once by saying she wanted to do sumn crazy after i noticed she was staring at my d*** thru the hole in my boxers n i mean the hole that's made in them,but i haven't had the opportunity since n some crazy s*** has happened since with her son (nephew...duh) n me so idk if f****** her is even still an option but i have never told anyone not even the closest person to me so i need to know whether to get some help with these incestuous lusts or should i test the waters again?...let the WV jokes begin in 3...2...1..GO!

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