Aroused by abusing

I loved abusing my wife. I would force her to wear very short skirts all the time and high heels a lot. At other times like say having a Saturday afternoon BBQ, I would make her wear a bikini. I'd get aroused talking to her about how exposed and humiliated she felt. I liked to force her down on the bed and ** her.

Three years she dumped me. Of course one can totally understand that. She said if she'd known what I was like she never would have married me.

Over the period of my marriage I went through various emotional highs and lows. Especially as she withdrew and started to resist and avoid me. I did a lot of thinking and researching.

One day, about a year before my wife finally dumped me, I met a old female friend. We had never been girlfriend and boyfriend but we had moved in overlapping friendship circles. We discussed our marital woes. In that first meeting, I said if I had my life over again I would be looking for a **.

After i was separated, this other girl and I met for coffee a few times and continued the discussions. I confessed to her that I was demanding, ** and a **. I asked if she remembered what I had told her a few years earlier and she had remembered the ** conversation.

Now she used to wear ankle length dowdy dresses for example.

She asked if I would ever marry her. I said that I doubted it as she was a good church going girl that wore long concervative dresses.

I told her I would want to select her clothes and spank her and use her body when and where I wanted.

She said she'd try it. So I told her next time we do coffee to wear a mini skirt. And she did. I told her she looked hot. And in my eyes she did. I was really turned on. I said that would not be enough that I would want to spank, cane and later whip her. She said she was willing to try. The first time I just put her over my knee and lifted her skirt and spanked her. She was shocked and got a bit grump and emotional. We had several coffee meetings after that. I said see you are not into it. I had been pretty light. She agreed I had not gone any further than we had agreed. I told her I wanted to be able to cane and whip her. I wanted her to be totaly submissive.

Now things have progressed and she is amazingly submissive. I will come to her house and tell her to strip, bend over and I will whip her to the point of big raised welts on her ** that take two to three weeks to heal. She will be crying, deep breathing and shaking and after she will be very tired (PTSD). I will tell her to lie on her back and she will comply.

Problem is that she really is totally submissive. She lets me hurt her. To ** her. She does oral and swallows whenever I tell her to. I will lie her spread eagle on her back and tie her wrists to the headboard and her ankles to the foot. She will lie their silently and submssivly while I do this. Sometimes she will not know what I am going to do and other times I will be talking to her as I go. Then I will whip her between her legs, her ** and her **. Then I will ** her.

But interestingly I no longer get aroused. I stay limp.

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