Aroused by abusing
I loved abusing my wife. I would force her to wear very short skirts all the time and high heels a lot. At other times like say having a Saturday afternoon BBQ, I would make her wear a bikini. I'd get aroused talking to her about how exposed and humiliated she felt. I liked to force her down on the bed and f*** her.
Three years she dumped me. Of course one can totally understand that. She said if she'd known what I was like she never would have married me.
Over the period of my marriage I went through various emotional highs and lows. Especially as she withdrew and started to resist and avoid me. I did a lot of thinking and researching.
One day, about a year before my wife finally dumped me, I met a old female friend. We had never been girlfriend and boyfriend but we had moved in overlapping friendship circles. We discussed our marital woes. In that first meeting, I said if I had my life over again I would be looking for a s***.
After i was separated, this other girl and I met for coffee a few times and continued the discussions. I confessed to her that I was demanding, kinky and a s*****. I asked if she remembered what I had told her a few years earlier and she had remembered the s*** conversation.
Now she used to wear ankle length dowdy dresses for example.
She asked if I would ever marry her. I said that I doubted it as she was a good church going girl that wore long concervative dresses.
I told her I would want to select her clothes and spank her and use her body when and where I wanted.
She said she'd try it. So I told her next time we do coffee to wear a mini skirt. And she did. I told her she looked hot. And in my eyes she did. I was really turned on. I said that would not be enough that I would want to spank, cane and later whip her. She said she was willing to try. The first time I just put her over my knee and lifted her skirt and spanked her. She was shocked and got a bit grump and emotional. We had several coffee meetings after that. I said see you are not into it. I had been pretty light. She agreed I had not gone any further than we had agreed. I told her I wanted to be able to cane and whip her. I wanted her to be totaly submissive.
Now things have progressed and she is amazingly submissive. I will come to her house and tell her to strip, bend over and I will whip her to the point of big raised welts on her bum that take two to three weeks to heal. She will be crying, deep breathing and shaking and after she will be very tired (PTSD). I will tell her to lie on her back and she will comply.
Problem is that she really is totally submissive. She lets me hurt her. To f*** her. She does oral and swallows whenever I tell her to. I will lie her spread eagle on her back and tie her wrists to the headboard and her ankles to the foot. She will lie their silently and submssivly while I do this. Sometimes she will not know what I am going to do and other times I will be talking to her as I go. Then I will whip her between her legs, her c*** and her t***. Then I will f*** her.
But interestingly I no longer get aroused. I stay limp.