I need help..... probably

I must be completely f***** up in the head. I have never let anyone treat me like trash and I have never let anyone ever hit me. I am able to defend myself and I have in the past. But I have been dating this guy, he has been my friend for several years. I have dated him for a year and we never fought when we were friends, but ever since we started dating he starts fights over stupid s*** and alot of time it ends up with me saying why are you yelling at me I haven't done anything wrong, I haven't attacked you I haven't done that would or should make you feel that you have to yell. Worse part is that normally these fights end with me getting strangled, punched in the face or in the throat. Our last fight was last night, I was telling him a story that happened to me about 7years prior he was driving my car, I mentioned about how the person I was with at the time of my story didn't like my driving. I guess he wasn't paying attention because he had to interrupt my story to get all defensive about his driving. Anyways I never got to finish my story because I asked why he was getting upset and that I didn't say anything about his driving. I can't remember all that was said but he told me to shut the f*** up and when I asked why I didn't do anything he punch me in the head, I nearly was knocked out from it. I started to cry from it and said what did I do I didn't do anything wrong I was then pinched in the face, to be exact the nose. As a little background I was abused as a kid and I went through the foster care system in California. After I was adopted I never let anyone hurt me again even my adopted parents encourage my desire to protect myself. I at one point almost got my amateur mai thai kickboxing license. With that in mind I am not really a violent person,I'm more likely going to fight a person with my wit. I'm only 5'3"and weight about 167 lbs. The guy that punched me is 6'0-6'1" and is approximately 350lbs. I know when he is about to hurt me and his body language is pretty easy to read but I don't defend myself I know I can but I don't, and I know part of the reason is it at least sounds like he hates himself everytime he hits me and it sounds like he is truly sorry. Thing is he is or at least part of him is. But I know it will happen again. When we where just friends he never yelled at me or hit me. And I keep thinking that if he hits me maybe he will feel sorry enough to stop but of course it doesn't and it probably never will. But I can't seem to break away from this. Everytime I try, he says something that makes me feel super guilty about making him go home.

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  • There is never any excuse for a man to hit a lady. I agree with all the other comments, you need to completely sever your relationship. Talk is cheap. If he were really serious about you, he would voluntairly seek mental help with this problem, so don't fall for his repeated excuses and promises not to do it again. You are better than a punching bag so get away from him, get a restraining order, and find a real man who knows how to treat a lady with love and respect. I wish you all the best and will be praying for you. LEAVE NOW!

  • Hes just manipulating you. I know it's hard to get out of the relationship but you have to get out of it quick! It'll only get worse and the more time you invest, the harder it's going to be for you to throw it all away. But trust me, you need to leave him.

  • It will only get worse. The longer you stay the more you will lose your self worth and put up with what ever he wants to do to you. He has problems you can't help him with. You leave. Dont threaten or try and reason with him you simply just leave him. Go no contact, block his number, stay somewhere for a while where he cant find you to beg you to come back because he will promise he will change. Do not be a punching bag for anyone.

  • It is getting worse, I'm afraid to talk. I can't bring myself to even defend myself. We used to talk and work through issues but that was before. We got in an argument once and he slapped me, but he felt like we were a couple before we actually were. So to him I cheated on him but truth we weren't dating yet, so I get that one I guess. But after that there was no more conversations, no more discussions were we could have different opinions. No more let's listen to your music then a little of mine. I don't do anything I love to do anymore. I feel angry or depressed all the time. I'm not a suicidal person but I've been having the thoughts cross my mind every so often. I wasn't even able to go to my grandfather's 88th birthday party. I'm so sorry for venting I don't know how I've become such a push over its not normally how I am but it has been for the past few years

  • Omg girl LEAVE his ass! He will do it again and you’ll probably end up dead.. I lived the very life you are; only I survived. I had to go to an eye doctor for years to correct damage and still may go blind in one eye because of it. He is sick either mentally, maybe he had a brain tumor; or he’s a narcissistic a******; doesn’t matter why. He will NEVER change. Run, run far, run fast!

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