Warning: Too long but Pls I need advice.
I'm a fresh graduate who in long distance relationship with a foreign guy. I'm 20 and he's 21. We're in a long distance relationship for two years now. As far as I remember I added him on fb because he's a christian and I'm christian too. He is currently studying in a Christian school and serving the Lord in His church and am serving in my Church too. We chatted for months and became friends then he confessed his feelings to me so I accepted him. Our relationship went through a lot of battles., and the hardest battle is lustfulness. The worst is Just last friday night, I felt something in me, I felt aroused and I just dont know what I did. I seduced him that night but he denied me. But after that I felt guilty and sorry for what i did so I didn't communicate with him for two days. But still he kept asking me what's wrong so i told him that i felt guilty and bad about what happened. He told me it's okay so later that night we went back to the way we used to be, but to my surprise he asked me to have in mode, at first I felt confused but I realized that he's trying to seduce me like what i did to him. I tried to deny him and telling him its a sin and felt sorry for what i did but still he insisted to do it only that night and after that he will ask no more. I even tried to block him but he's threatening me to commit suicide if I leave him everytime we have fights, and am afraid if he will do that though i know he's a christian. Because I was easily aroused and have strong drive for s**, as he continues sexting me, I give in. We did a horrible thing, We had Phone s** together that night, for the first time in our life and in our relationship. Yeah, a moment of pleasure felt really good but After that I felt really really bad. I am consumed with guilt and shame until now because i think he did it cause I did the first move. Now we suffer the regret together that I couldn't have peace anymore. I am ashamed and lost respect for myself. I dont know how to get back up again to the Lord. Am planning to block him and move on, am afraid that this lustful relationship will continue. But am worried too because he kept on telling me to come to my place this november for marriage agreement with my family but I dont want this anymore and besides am not yet ready for marriage.
Pls, Do I need to end this relationship but am afraid because he's threatening me to commit suicide if I leave him or do I just let things happen as a consequence of my choice?
Pls I need advice, any kind of advice may do I will accept and respect.