What do I want/what is so hard?
I want you to want me not her. I want to be the one you are intrigued by. Have confidence in. Leave her for. See the world in me. Explore the world with me.
I gave us a break. I'm pushing you away. So you'll be with her and patch things up because I know that's the right thing to do if I'm not the one you want. But I also want for you to miss me so bad and come for me. But what if you don't? What if you realize how life is better with her and that I am just a mistake you made? I don't want to be a mistake. I'm tired of being people's mistake. That's why I hide away from the world. I want someone who cannot let me be out of his life. Someone who does not want a life without me in it- and will not LET me walk away. The one who finds a thousand reasons….
I wish that was you and its not. I wish that was you. Don't you miss me? Don't you want me? Don't you want to be anything but angry with me? You don't believe in me. Don't see me. ME. Part of me just wants to go on alone. They way I know, the way I'm comfortable. But I want you as well. You make me FEEL. Part of me knows I go alone. But for now I wish you would choose to just be with me. But I'm not the one you worry about losing. I'm sad. I want you to want me. And you don't. I want to be the one you can't live without. We were just not meant for each other. Not in this lifetime. So many wishes- that I had let go of your hand. That I had just went home. Why do you have such a hold on me? I wish it were gone but the pain that comes with that idea is almost too much to bear. You have me in a bind- and that's not me. The logical, independent me. I wish god would stop being so cruel and fix this. Because I'm…powerless.
I know we never are but you sure make it feel that way.