In Need Of Understanding And Support

I am definitely in need of some understanding and support. The past 6 months have been very challenging for my husband and me. We have been married 2 years. We met during freshman year in high school and dated exclusively in high school and throughout college. We got engaged when we graduated college and were married a year later.
Six months ago I was assaulted by a man in my home while my husband was at work. It still seems unreal to me that I am a “sexual assault survivor,” but I am. The assault was really scary, painful, and humiliating for me. I can’t say enough good things about the people who came together to help and support me after my assault – the police, nurses, doctors, counselors, and my husband.
I feel like I was not only assaulted physically, but also emotionally and mentally. My body was hurt and so was my marriage. My husband has been wonderful but I know he is struggling to come to grips with what happened to me. He was the first person I called after my attacker left and he rushed home to take me to the hospital. He stood by and held my hand during the exams I had at the hospital and while I gave a statement to the police.
I was so in shock by what had happened to me, just trying to survive from moment to moment during my exams and interviews, that I wasn’t aware of how the entire process affected my poor husband. Looking back months later, I can see how “graphic” those first few hours after the attack must have been for my husband. Nurses were in and out swabbing me everywhere, taking samples. I have a clear memory of the nurse taking the sexual assault kit politely asking me where she should swab for s**** samples and me answering “Everywhere.” She gently asked me to be more specific and I replied, “My mouth, my v*****, and my bottom.” It was at this moment my husband was introduced to exactly what happened to me. The nurse was going through a long list of what I guess are standard questions: “How many men where you attacked by?” “One.” “Did he penetrate you sexually?” “Yes.” “Where did he penetrate you sexually?” “He forced me to perform oral s** on him. He forced me to have intercourse. Then he sodomized me, made me have a*** s**.” “Did your attacker wear a condom during any or all of the s** acts he performed on you?” “No, none of them.” “Do you know if your attacker e********* during the assault?” “Yes, he did.” “Can you tell me where he e*********?” “He e********* each time he attacked me, in each place I mean.” “Are you saying he e********* in your mouth, v*****, and r*****?” “Yes, he did.” The questions went on and on.

At one point I remember one nurse talking to another saying something like “I think I see quite a bit of s**** in her panties. Let’s bag those for evidence.”
My poor husband was standing there, trying to comfort and support me, listening to all of this!
I wasn’t physically or emotionally prepared to resume intimacy with my husband for weeks. I was sore for quite a while as I healed from bruising and tearing in my v***** and r*****. The first time my husband and I tried being intimate a couple months ago, it was awkward at best. I know he likes when I perform oral s** on him and I like to do that for him. But, since my attack he hasn’t asked me for that. I think he’s afraid to. When we have intercourse he’s very, very gentle with me. He is able to e********, but I have not experienced an o***** with him since the attack. Also, I saw a couple websites on his computer about how to make a*** s** pleasurable for your partner. Prior to my assault, I had never experienced a*** s**. My husband and I had talked about it, but had never tried it. I am open to trying it with my husband. But, like oral s**, I think he’s afraid to bring it up.
Thank You to all that have read what I’ve written. I truly appreciate your understanding and support!

--- Marcy

Nov 23, 2019

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  • I'm sorry that happened to you. I couldn't imagine being put or putting a life through that situation. As for your husband, if it where me I would feel ashamed of the inability to have helped you immediately, and beat the living s*** out of the intruder and call cops....hes prolly neverous to make you re live anything....I'm sure if you insisted or initiated it that he might be a little more at ease. I hope they caught that pathetic sick f***

  • You are brave to write this and obviously love your husband. Your needs come first in this horrifying situation so he is probably holding back his feelings to be supportive of you. If you are ready tell him exactly what you would like him to do. Try telling him you would like to extinguish the traumatic memories by building newer, stronger memories that will bring joy, desire and healing. Tell him you want him to make passionate, vigorous love to you to rebuild your bond and defeat the ugly incident. Don't let that criminal win. Your loving relationship with your husband can flourish again.

  • I think it would help if you could talk to someone, when are you free to talk?

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